Life Unexpected Review/ Recap Episodes 1-3

Today, I vowed to do lots of research. I did not do that. Instead, I watched the first three episodes of Life Unexpected. It's a CW show. I've had an odd relationship with CW shows. First of all, when the WB and UPN combined to create the CW, they canceled Everwood. They canceled Everwood. I loved that show. It was teen angsty and adult angsty and there was lots of family drama. Real family drama. Not the crap that 7th Heaven called family drama. Anyway, I watched the first episode of Gossip Girl and was not interested. At some point, I do intend to watch Gossip Girl since I hear good things about it now but that probably won't be for a long time. I stuck with 90210 for the better part of the first season, you know, if 90210 even had a better part of the first season. I missed the last two episodes of the first season and have no desire to watch them. No show on the CW has ever grabbed my attention. Enter Life Unexpected.

The commercials kept calling it Gilmore Girls meets Juno. I liked Gilmore Girls. I liked Juno. One would think that that is the reason I decided to check it out. Well, no, it's not. I don't really like when TV shows or movies rely on a comparison to other shows or movies in their ads. It seems like lazy advertising. Just show the clips and let them speak for themselves. The real reason I had to check out Life Unexpected was because I am a sucker for long lost kid storylines. True story. Anytime there is a long lost kid on any soap opera (except Bold & the Beautiful, even I have standards), I will start watching that soap. I did it with Guiding Light when Gus' long lost son Rafe showed up. I did it with One Life to Live when Rex's long lost son Shane came into the picture. And I've fully supported every time General Hospital has done it. In case you were wondering, I'm loving the current storyline with Olivia finally telling Sonny that Dante is his son. Of course she had to wait until after Sonny shot Dante because he found out that Dante was an undercover cop trying to arrest him for his mob activities. I really do love soap operas so much.

So Life Unexpected revolves around a teenage girl named Lux who has spent her whole life in foster care thanks to a heart defect that required lots of surgery and by the time she was healthy enough to be adopted, she was too old. At least that's what the show tells us and I've learned to just roll with it. Let's just consider it the technobabble of family drama. As Lux's 16th birthday approaches, she wants to be emancipated but apparently that cannot be granted because her birth parents never signed over their rights. So Lux takes it upon herself to get their signatures so she can be emancipated instead of a social worker contacting them because whether or not Lux wants emancipation, her birth parents need to terminate their rights, right? Isn't the state of Oregon (oh yeah, it's set in Portland) committing kidnapping by keeping her in foster care if her birth parents haven't signed this magical piece of paper? Oh, yeah, technobabble. I forgot.

The show begins with Cate Cassidy and her co-host/boyfriend Ryan doing their morning radio talk show. I think it's nice that the show is trying to raise awareness that there are still radio talk shows out there. Lux is listening to the show as her younger foster brother barges into the bathroom. Lux has an argument with her foster mom during which foster mom recites the ready made lines that Law & Order: SVU shipped over and says that the state doesn't pay her enough to take care of Lux. With that, Lux responds that she's going to be emancipated. Next time we see Lux, she's listening to Cate's talk show on her journey to emancipation. Lux shows up on her father's doorstep because she saw his name and address on a form on her social worker's desk. I need to point out that her father, Nate Basile better known as Baze, owns and lives above a bar. So this could not possibly have been his address in high school when Lux was born. Apparently someone updated the records to get his new contact information but never bothered to ask him to sign one little form. Well, Baze is surprised to find out that this girl standing in front of his bar is his daughter and so are his two roommates because that's how you know a 30 something year old guy is immature, he has roommates. Once inside, Lux tries to explain to the three slackers that she wants to be emancipated blah blah, sign here, and try to remember the name of the girl you knocked up. Baze's girlfriend enters. Oh yeah, Baze has a girlfriend who we briefly met earlier in the episode. She had made a joke about him being a slacker and then went for a run. Now she's back. Baze cleverly hides Lux behind his back as girlfriend goes into another room. Baze quickly blurts out that Cate Cassidy is Lux's mother as he tries to push her out the door but Lux is too busy fangirling out because she's a huge fan of Cate Cassidy. One of Baze's roommates who apparently went to the same high school is also shocked by this news. IMDb tells me that this roomate's name is Math. He's the more important of the two roommates because he is the moral compass who tells Baze to grow up. Girlfriend enters again, discovers truth, and demands that Baze call Cate to tell her himself.

Over at Cate's house, Ryan proposes. They have a fight because she's afraid of commitment. He does one of those completely cliche "I'm going to list all of your flaws but say I love you before each one and make it sound super romantic rather than extremely douchey." Ryan proposes again. Cate accepts. Phone rings. She's going to let it go to the machine and how cute is that that she still has a land line and an answering machine. But it's necessary so that she can hear it's Baze, pick up the phone, and then hang up on him.

Since they didn't get a hold of Cate, Lux ends up staying the night at Baze's place. They bond over watching adorable animals on YouTube. It's actually kind of sweet but I'm a sucker for overly cheesy things like that.

The next day, Baze and Lux are in the parking lot of Cate's radio station. Lux calls the station to talk to Cate. Um, she's doing a talk show right now. Could you wait a couple hours or at least request not to be put on the air? Anyway, Lux gets cold feet when she hears Cate's voice and hands the phone to Baze who says something like, "Hey, Cate. It's Nate Bazile from high school." I'm inclined to believe that "It's Nate Bazile" would have been enough since he got her pregnant and she seems to remember that based on her hanging up on him yesterday but again it's necessary for him to say this so Ryan can start asking questions about her in high school. He rattles off all of the things that could have happened in high school that would make Cate the way she is today. Ok, Ryan, I'm going to say this once, so listen. Wil Wheaton says, "Don't be a dick." Cate has a fear of commitment and won't let anyone close to her and won't say why. Maybe she was raped. Did you ever think of that? And you need to keep badgering her into talking about what happened to her to make her this way. Right now, Ryan, I think you're the biggest douche in a show that has three slackers living above a bar. It might be time to reevaluate your life. Anyway, Ryan hits the nail on the head when he says, "What? Were you one of those girls that got knocked up after prom?" Cate has tears in her eyes and Baze comments that it was the Winter Formal. Cate runs out and confronts Baze. She yells a lot before he finally steps aside to introduce her to her daughter. They get down to the business of signing the paper and Cate is shocked that Lux was never adopted. Lux needs to get to her social worker's office and Cate volunteers to drive her. Here is where we discover that Lux had a hole in her heart and that's why she wasn't adopted. Cate tries to get motherly but Lux is having none of that.

Lux's court date for emancipation arrives. Cate and Baze show up separately. The judge calls complete crap on Lux's plan for emancipation. The judge is slightly nicer than Judge Judy. She decides to place Lux in the temporary care of her biological parents. As they exit the court house, Cate and Baze argue about high school and all that drama so Lux yells at them and walks away in a huff. Lux returns to her foster home to discover that her foster mother has packed up all her things in anticipation of her emancipation and their fight over it. I guess it's nice that she packed them up in suit cases instead of throwing everything out the window in garbage bags (which is actually a decent way of moving).

Back at Baze's bar, Cate, who just had a fight with Ryan in which she gave him back the ring, and Baze commiserate over Lux even though they had just been yelling at each other over the same thing. We discover a little to much about Lux's conception like it lasted less than the length of "Two Princes" and took place in Baze's mom's mini van. Oh, and Cate lost her virginity that night. Anyway, all this reminiscing causes them to start kissing and drunkenly stumble to the bedroom. The next morning, Cate delivers the traditional "This never happened" speech and leaves only to trip over Lux who slept in front of the bar waiting for Baze. Lux and Cate have a conversation which ends with Cate deciding that Lux will stay with her. Cate goes to work, proposes to Ryan and tells him she wants to take care of Lux with his help.

Cate and Lux arrive home where Baze and his friends are waiting to wish Lux a happy birthday. Ryan joins the party. There's some tension. Lux blows out her candles but already has her wish because she has a family. Except that the next two episodes deal a lot with the fact that Lux felt she already had a family with her fellow orphans that she planned to move in with once she was emancipated. But I guess they didn't have that in mind when they wrote the pilot.

It was super cheesy but I liked. It looks like there will be lots of family drama and angst. It's totally my type of show. If you've made it this far, congratulations. I swear I'll keep the next two episodes brief.

The second episode revolves mostly around Cate and Baze prepare for their home inspections by Lux's social worker. The social worker has to decide if they are fit to be foster parents. Again, I'm confused. They didn't terminate their parental rights. Lux is still a minor. They are her biological parents. Is a social worker still needed. If Baze and Cate are willing to take care of her, isn't this case closed? So Cate is freaking out and trying to make sure that Baze is taking this seriously.

While all this is going on, Lux visits her orphan friends who are super pissed that she actually wants to stay with her parents. They manage to convince her that she should get her stuff from Cate's house and move in with them. When the orphan gang is in Cate's house, one of them picks up Cate's engagement ring with the intention of stealing it. Lux stops him and admits that she actually wants to stay with Cate. Tasha, Lux's BFF, pretty much tells Lux that Cate's going to end up kicking her out the first time she does something wrong. Tasha and Lux stand there awkwardly enough after their fight to hear Cate on the radio read a statement that she did not have a baby in high school because apparently that is too big of a scandal for the local radio station. Lux feels unwanted all over again. Way to go, Cate, you know that Lux is a big fan of the show. How was she not going to hear about this? Cate comes home and can't find her engagement ring. The next day, Lux blames her friends and demands the ring back. They can't believe that she would pick her mom over them and tell her they didn't take it. They are so done with her.

Meanwhile, Baze is still being a slacker and not prepared for the social worker. Cate and Baze end up having a very public fight about him not wanting this in front of both Lux and the social worker but Lux one ups Cate with the revelation that she heard what Cate said on the radio. Things look grim for Cate and Baze. But it'll all be okay when they track the social worker down the next day and give her the paper work she needed and a speech about wanting to be parents. Cate pulls the "I never would have given her up if I knew this was the life she would have" card but none of it matters. Lux told the social worker that she wants to go back to the group home for girls" and obviously a 16 year old girl knows what is best for herself.

Lux decided to apologize to her friends but in the process discovered (surprise, surprise) that Tasha stole the ring with the hopes that Cate would kick Lux out over it. Little did Tasha know that Cate never even asked Lux about the ring. Lux is angry and leaves because that is the only way to leave a room on this show. Cate arrives at the orphan's apartment later to find Lux and Tasha tells her that she knows Lux would be better off with Cate.

Lux goes back to Cate's house and Ryan shows her that he and Cate had been getting a room ready for her in the attic. Cate arrives and they bond. At some point, Math gave Baze a lecture about growing up and taking responsibility but I honestly don't remember when that happened so let's say it goes here. Cate tells her listeners about her daughter on the radio after the judge grants them custody. Cate gets primary physical custody since Baze lives over a bar and that's apparently not the best environment for a teenager. Anyway, they will all live happily ever after until the next episode when Baze's parents discover that they have a granddaughter over the radio. Oh, the drama.

Really, this one will be shorter. Episode 3. So Cate is taking calls about being a parent on the air when her sister Abbie calls in to give Cate a hard time about not telling the family that the daughter she gave up years ago has come back into her life. Abbie turns the conversation into the direction of the father who Abbie believes was the school mascot because apparently no one in this family has a problem with discussing personal matters on the air. Ryan reveals that the father is Baze and the sister pretty much flips out because she had a crush on him in high school. Anyway, thanks to this conversation, Baze's father hears about Lux and blackmails Baze into bringing Lux and Cate over to dinner or else he won't lend Baze any money ($3200 to be exact) to pay the rent on his bar. Baze's father could not express his disappointment in his son anymore than he does in this scene, well until the dinner scene at least. Baze tells his father that he didn't even know Cate was pregnant in high school because apparently that makes him less of a disappointment.

Elsewhere, Cate decides to transfer Lux to a better school, the high school that she and Baze went to and apparently where Math works. If he teaches Math, I will punch someone. Cate does not discuss this with Lux or Baze and Lux is not happy because she will not be able to see Tasha anymore. I kinda thought we were done with that ring stealing liar but I guess not. Also, Baze and Cate meet Lux's boyfriend Bug and they don't like him. Bug thinks he and Lux and their friends should take Lux's savings ($3000 to be exact) and move somewhere else together. Are we seriously still talking about this? Didn't she decide in the last episode that she wanted to stay with her parents? And didn't she decide it in the episode before that?

Baze, Cate, and Lux go to the Basile mansion for dinner. Did I mention that his parents are wealthy. Turns out the Basiles invited Cate's sister and mother as well. They apparently are all staging an intervention about what horrible parents Baze and Cate will be. This intervention may have gone slightly better if Lux was not invited but what do I know about interventions. Cate's mom suggests she raise Lux and Baze's parents suggests that they raise Lux since they are the only one's in the room capable of being good parents to which Cate responds, "Have you met your son?" I get that this is the dinner conversation that would have happened 16 years ago but Baze and Cate are in their 30s, they can handle a kid. Baze's father makes a comment about Cate not telling Baze about the baby in high school. Cate looks sad. Baze confesses he knew. In all this commotion, Lux has left with Bug. She goes home and gets her money commenting about how being treated badly by foster parents is bad enough but to be treated that way by your real parents is horrible. You see what they did there? We're supposed to think she's talking about her treatment by her own parents but she's really talking about Baze and his dad.

The next day, she brings the money to Baze's dad telling him that it was from Baze. She bitches him out for being a crappy dad then leaves. Baze's dad later shows up at the bar, kinda apologizes, tells Baze about Lux delivering the money without knowing it was Lux's money and says that Lux is welcome at their house anytime. At home, Cate promises to Lux that they will make decisions as a family. Cate wants to have another family dinner but with Lux's family aka the orphans. Baze promises Lux that he will pay her back because she shouldn't have to take care of him. It's okay. She doesn't mind. Time to be a big happy family again until the next time that Lux feels like she's unwanted.

So, I guess it is a little like Gilmore Girls except the role of Lorelai Gilmore is broken down into two characters. The responsible, neurotic mom part will be played by Cate while the immature, "I'm not a parent, more like your friend because my parents are rich dicks" part will be played by Baze. He's got the rich parents and you know at some point he will borrow money from them for Lux's education or something and they will all be forced to go to Friday dinners. Also, Baze is playing the Luke and Christopher part. Instead of a diner, it's a bar that he owns and lives above. And the whole not helping when Cate got pregnant is just like Christopher. I guess Ryan is also sorta like Luke because he's going to help take care of Lux. Whatever, I like it so far and will keep watching. I might keep writing reviews/recaps if the spirit moves me.

Things I've Learned from TV

Everyone has a pool house or an apartment over their garage where wayward family members, friends, or random teenagers you just met can live.
Fonzie moved into the apartment above the Cunningham's house. The Camden's had an apartment over their garage on 7th Heaven. I'm proud to say that I only remember Lucy living there. If anyone else did, I was not watching or paying attention to that horrible show. I also am ashamed to say that I remember Lucy living there. I should have gicen up on that show earlier. On The OC, Peter Gallagher let Ryan move into the pool house and the Cohens didn't even know Ryan. All they knew about him was that he was a juvenile delinquent.

Now, my mother is a very nice person who wants to help those less fortunate but she would not let someone we barely knew move in with us. Of course, we don't have a pool house probably because we don't have a pool. We also don't have an apartment over our garage even though we do have a garage. We used to have a little Sesame Street playhouse in our backyard. I don't think my mother would have let someone move in there either.

Your group of friends can only have 4-6 people. You must see these friends everyday.
Seinfeld: 4 friends. Sex and the City: 4 friends. Golden Girls: 4 friends. How I Met Your Mother: 5 friends. Will & Grace: 4 friends. Friends: 6 friends. Any less than 4 friends, you need to start asking yourself why you are not more popular. Chances are it's because you are ugly or too nice. People don't like people that are too nice. True Statement. If you have more than 6 friends, you need to start asking yourself why you are so popular. Chances are it's because you are rich or too pretty. They either want to use you for your money or sex.

Said group of friends must have one hang out where you meet everyday.
Whether it's a bar like Cheers or whatever that bar is called in How I Met Your Mother or a coffee shop like Central Perk or Cafe Nervosa or a diner like the Peach Pit or Arnold's/Al's or Monk's Cafe, there must be somewhere to go to drink beer, coffee, or milkshakes and talk about your day. You also will always sit at the same table or booth or couch. It helps to become good friends of the owners. They might reserve that spot for you since you come in everyday.

It's inevitable that you or one of your friends will attempt a singing career.
I'm pretty sure One Tree Hill tried this with Haley. David Silver made an attempt too. Now, he's a music producer in Japan and sadly, I know this from watching the first season of 90210. Of course, there's always Jesse and the Rippers, Joanie and Chachi, Leather Tuscadero and the Suedes, Dingos Ate My Baby, the Brady Kids under various names including the Silver Platters, the Partridge Family but I guess that was kinda the point, Lane from Gilmore Girls had a band, the kids on every single Degrassi series have tried it with Craig being semi successful and a coke addict. And of course, the most talented of the bunch: The Zack Attack.

Just when you think you have an empty nest, one of your good for nothing siblings will force you to take in one of their children. Or a stranger wanders in and never leaves.
Happy Days is pretty much the patron saint of this one. Richie leaves and then Roger shows up. However, he was old enough to live on his own but still came over to the Cunningham's house for meals. After Joanie left to start her singing career (see above), K.C. moved in. Around the same time, Roger's younger brother Flip came to live with him. Poor Howard and Marion. They already raised 2-3 children. Let them live in peace. Also, they should probably find Chuck before taking in more kids.

7th Heaven is also at the top of the list for this one. Robbie moved in after dating Mary and then dated Lucy. Martin literally wandered into their kitchen because he was lonely and had recently moved in nearby. Shortly after that, he moves in because his aunt who he lives with is moving away*. Martin moved into the same room that Robbie had lived in which had previously been Mary and Lucy's room and then Ruthie's room yet neither he nor Robbie painted over the pink walls or got new bedspreads that were not pink. Even Uncle Jesse put up posters of Elvis around the bunnies painted on the wall.

*[Note: By this time, I was watching 7th Heaven because it was unintentionally hysterical.]

There are more rich families than poor and middle class families.
I do not mean upper middle class people. I mean legitimate middle class, working people.

Rich people: The OC, Gossip Girl, Sex and the City, Beverly Hills 90210, 90210, Brothers & Sisters, Silver Spoons, Different Strokes, The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, The Beverly Hillbillies, Green Acres, Clueless, Arrested Development, Frasier, The Nanny. Also, note that Different Strokes involves poor kids being adopted by a rich man and Beverly Hillbillies involves a poor family becoming millionaires and moving to Beverly, Hills that is because all rich people live in California or New York. There are absolutely no rich people in the Midwest. Even Oprah has a house in California.

Poor people: Good Times and various characters on other shows that are given a better chance by rich people.

Middle class: Roseanne, All in the Family, maybe some of those CBS sitcoms that I never watched, and According to Jim- I'm assuming because Jim Belushi just screams middle class. I guess you could make a case for Everybody Loves Raymond even though my entire house could fit in their living room.

Anyway, there are way too many rich people portrayed on television and the writers usually want me to have sympathy for their financial problems. Hey, Nora Walker, here's an idea: sell your ginormous house and then you wouldn't have to worry about money. I'll admit it, I don't like rich people.

No bad things happen in the Midwest. Ever.
Los Angeles is screwed because they, for some reason, have not banned Jack Bauer from setting foot in the city. Yeah, I know he ends up saving the day and all but only after hundreds or thousands of people die including my beloved Michelle. Jack Bauer just seems to attract terrorist attacks like Jessica Fletcher attracted murders and Scooby Doo attracted criminals who enjoyed dressing up in elaborate costumes even though a ski mask would have sufficed. I can't help but wonder if we sent Jack Bauer to Wyoming if more terrorist attacks would occur there. If it doesn't happen in Los Angeles, then it's happening in New York. Why would anything bad happen in the Midwest? It's not like we're centrally located for drug and human trafficking. It's not like people have their own meth labs or anything. I guess the Midwest is catastrophe free because we got Gary Hobson with tomorrow's Sun Times today. He and Jack Bauer should team up that we be all kinds of awesome.

As soon as children are potty trained, they instantly become six years old.
It happens all the time, one minute they are sitting in a high chair, three months later they are going to kindergarten. It happened on Growing Pains, Step By Step, Family Ties and other sitcoms from the 80s and early 90s. The baby is born. Teenage siblings baby sit baby while mom goes back to work. Former youngest child is jealous of baby. Storylines end here. Why not rapidly age the kid and send them to school?

I expect children to come down with a case of SORAS in soaps, after all, it is Soap Opera Rapid Aging Syndrome, but sitcoms, I expect better from you. Soap operas usually age kids to teenagers, but, sitcoms, you age them from babies to young children. You completely skip over the time when they might be cute and say the darnedest things to a time when they are brats and throw temper tantrums. I'm disappointed in you, sitcoms.


TV has taught me so many useful things. I feel prepared for life in the real world.