Sunday, January 17, 2010

Law & Jedi Order: Coruscant Force Force

Law & Jedi Order: Coruscant Force Force
Episode I

On Coruscant, the political center of the galaxy, the city which encompasses the entire planet is protected by two powerful yet incompetent Jedi Knights: Master Obi-Wan Kenobi and his padawan Anakin “Ani” Skywalker. These are their stories.




Anakin: You're so beautiful.

Padme: I'm only beautiful because I love you.

Anakin: It's because I love you.

Padme: No, it's because I love you, Ani.

Anakin: No, it isn't.

Padme: Yes, it is.

Anakin: No, it's because... hold on. I've got to take this it's Obi-Wan. [A little hologram of Obi-Wan appears] What is thy bidding, my master?

Obi-Wan: I thought I told you to stop saying that, Ani.

Anakin: And I thought I told you to stop calling me Ani.

Obi-Wan: Fair enough. You need to get down to the library now. It seems someone has broken several librarian droids. Yoda wants us to investigate.

Anakin: Can't this wait? I'm in the middle of something.

Obi-Wan: No. Yoda wants us to investigate now. He thinks it might have been an inside job.

Anakin: Okay. I'll meet you there as soon as I can. [Obi-Wan's hologram disappears] Padme, can we finish this argument later?

Padme: Fine. I wish we wouldn't argue so much.

Anakin: We only argue because I love you.

Padme: No, it's because I love you.

Anakin: Yeah, that's why. Look, I really have to go now.

Padme: I love you.

Anakin: You said that already.

Padme: It's because I love you so much.

Anakin: Right. I'll be home later.




Obi-Wan: [examining the broken droids] Tell me again what happened.

LD-26: [inexplicably chewing gum] Ya see, I normally work the afternoon shift but I's switched with LD-44 cause she needed the night off. So's I'm working the night shift. An' the night shift is usually quiet. Well, I get here an' there's no one around. I's mean the night shift is quiet but it ain't this quiet. So's I know something ain't right and I's says “Hey, anyone here?” No answer. Now I'm creeped out. I start lookin' around and find LD-44 and LD-39 in the horror section. That's what this was. An absolute horror!

Anakin: Sorry, I got here as quick as I could.

Obi-Wan: LD-26, this is my padawan Anakin Skywalker. Anakin, this is the droid who found them. Thank you, LD-26. We'll contact you if we need to ask any more questions.

LD-26: I hope you find the maniac who did this. No librarian droid is safe until you do.

Anakin: We'll do what we can. [LD-26 exits] Do you know what happened, Master?

Obi-Wan: No, we should see what our contacts in The Works know. It's likely that these droids were destroyed for parts.

Anakin: But why not take the whole droid? Whoever did this left behind some very valuable parts.

Obi-Wan: Do you have a better place to start?

Anakin: … No.

Obi-Wan: Then we go to The Works. At least it's a place to start.




Obi-Wan: Can we talk to whoever is in charge here?

Secretary Droid: Who's asking?

Obi-Wan: I'm Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi and this is my padawan Anakin Skywalker. We're investigating an attack on a couple of droids at the library this evening. They were manufactured by your company and we'd like some information about the models.

Secretary Droid: Yeah, hold on. [picks up phone] Darth... I mean Mister Jones, there's a couple of Jedi Knights here to see you... Okay. [to Obi-Wan] You can go right in and see him.

Obi-Wan: Thank you. [He and Anakin enter Darth, I mean Mr. Jones' office] Mr. Jones, I'm-

Anakin: I got this one. We're here investigating a droid attack and the theft of parts from these droids. I'm Jedi Knight-

Obi-Wan: Jedi Apprentice.

Anakin: Whatever. Anakin Skywalker and this is my partner-

Obi-Wan: Master.

Anakin: Whatever. Obi-Wan Kenobi. The point is we're Jedi Knights and we want some anwsers.

Obi-Wan: Anakin, I'll handle this. Would you mind answering some questions?

Mr. Jones: Of course not. Ask anything you'd like. You'll find that we here at Serv-O-Droid have nothing to hide.

Obi-Wan: Have you or anyone on your staff ever stolen parts from droids you have already sold so you could save money and reuse the parts?

Mr. Jones: No.

Anakin: LIAR! He's lying. I can sense it.

Obi-Wan: Anakin! You must control your anger. Anger leads to hate...

Anakin: I know! But he's lying! He's lying liar scum! I bet he sells death sticks to younglings!

Mr. Jones: We run an honest business here.

Anakin: I know you destroyed those droids! Tell the truth before I bust a laser in your punk ass!

Obi-Wan: Anakin, wait outside!

Anakin: You can't tell me what to do!

Obi-Wan: Yes, I can. Now wait outside. [Anakin exits] Mr. Jones, word is going to get out to your other droids about this attack. And maybe someone will start the rumor that it is you who is stealing parts to sell again. There are more of them than there are of you. So tell me what you know.

Mr. Jones: I don't know nothing.

Obi-Wan: Oh, yes you do. We both know that it's you. You're guilty and we will find the evidence eventually. And when we find the evidence, we're going to arrest you. And we're going to find the most inconvenient time to arrest you in public. We'll wait until it's a crowded day at the office or until you receive an award for Businessman of the Year or your daughter's wedding. Something really humiliating. So just confess now.

Mr. Jones: Did the Coruscant Chamber of Commerce tell you that I'm going to be businessman of the Year?

Obi-Wan: No. That was just an example.

Mr. Jones: My daughter is getting married in two weeks... My wife would kill me if I ruined that wedding... I still have nothing to say about those two librarian droids being attacked tonight.

Obi-Wan: I never said they were librarian droids.

Mr. Jones: I must have heard you mention it to my secretary.

Obi-Wan: All I said to her was that the attack occurred at the library.

Mr. Jones: Damn.




Yoda: Mr. Jones, For Droid Assault and Theft, two years sentenced you are.

Mr. Jones: Wait, I'd like to make a deal. I have information. Information about the Sith.



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