I have recently been thinking about how Facebook has changed since I began using it. We all talk about the differences but since I have lots of time on my hands, I'm going to detail the changes. A special thanks to the "Criticism of Facebook" Wikipedia article. I could not do this post without you.
Wikipedia tells me that Facebook started in February of 2004. It was originally limited to only Harvard students but that's irrelevant because I did not attend Harvard. In fact, I was still in high school. I heard about Facebook from my brother Paul. You see, Mark Zuckerberg's sister went to the University of Chicago so they were one of the first colleges to be on Facebook after Harvard. It should also be noted that at some point in 2004 or 2005, my brother was kicked off of Facebook because the name License to Funk: The Paul B. Story was not acceptable. This is no joke. So at first, Facebook was for college students while teenagers, common folk and emo kids were on MySpace.
In September of 2005, after opening Facebook up to gradually more colleges and then all colleges, a high school version of Facebook was created. High schools with email addresses were added. You need to understand that few high schools in 2005 had email accounts. Fortunately for me, my high school had decided to get all tech savvy and we had email. I joined my high school's network on Facebook and there were literally 12 of us in it. I might even be overestimating that. So, I had an account but never really used it. Apparently, college Facebook and high school Facebook were combined in February of 2006 according to Wikipedia. Honestly, I did not notice. Wikipedia also tells me that some college students did not like this and felt Facebook was no longer exclusive. I laugh at this. It was still somewhat exclusive. I bet you wish for the good ole days when it was just college and high school students.
When I went to college in August of 2006, I joined my college's network and started using Facebook obsessively as a legitimate college student just in time for Facebook to open up to everyone the next month. Facebook was open to anyone but it still remained mostly college and high school students. Most of the people who joined that were not college or high school students were people who were college age but did not go to college. It made sense. Around the same time came the stalker feed. I mean the news feed. It told us everything we never knew we didn't want to know. People protested through Facebook groups. Those first few days, pretty much everyone's news feed was filled with So and So joined the group 1 Million Strong Against the News Feed. many people commented on their own penis. It was the first Facebook controversy that I can remember. People got down right hostile about it. Then, Mark Zuckerberg apologized and explained how we could set privacy features so not everything we did appeared in the news feed. People seemed satisfied enough with this.
Facebook still had the college and high school networks and with the addition of everyone to Facebook, regional networks were added. I joined the Chicago network and now was in three networks. Pretty much anyone I wanted to Facebook stalk was in one of my three networks. So I could stalk these people within my networks without being their friend. It was amazing. Few people set their profiles to private. If their profile was private, they obviously were hiding something. Most people were fine sharing information with people within their networks. And no one seemed to care what pictures they posted. I mean, there was always one sober person who documented the craziness and then posted the pictures of their drunk friends. Totally amazing, right? Since it was mostly college students, there was no reason to have any other kind of pictures.
Wikipedia tells me that albums were originally limited to 60 photos. I swear it was only 40 photos but perhaps I was misinformed. Now, the limit is apparently 200 photos per album (since May 2009). That seems unnecessary. Especially since the number of photos I've uploaded has decreased greatly in the last few years. Perhaps this will be helpful to me someday when I get married and upload every single picture to Facebook and then have lots of babies and post 200 pictures of my newborn spawn. I kid. I will never do that. I promise. If I do, you have permission to defriend me.
The next big change for Facebook came in May 2007 with the introduction of applications. I like applications just fine. I enjoy my Colbert Report application. I became obsessed with Flair. There are a few other applications that I have but don't really use. Some people became obsessed with applications and quite frankly, it interfered with my Facebook stalking of them. It became unbelievably annoying when I wanted to see what people said on their wall and I would have to scroll down forever to get to their wall.
This was an interesting time on Facebook. A time when people still needed to adapt their status update to begin with [insert name] is.... You had to give credit to the people who tried (ie. Sarah is wondering why it is so hot in her room). Some people didn't even make an attempt (ie. Sarah is OMG!!!1! Why is it so hot in here?) And some people used the first person along with the third person (ie. Sarah is wondering why it is so hot in my room). I assume that old Facebook status updates made English majors cry. I assume that most Facebook status updates still make English majors cry. Well, people wanted the "is" to be removed from status updates. Again, people created Facebook groups to protest. In December 2007, this wish was granted. Victory for all Facebook users. Free at last to use whatever verb we wanted in our status.
In the summer of 2008 when Facebook gave the option to use the "new" Facebook, I chose to stick with the Facebook that I knew. Then, I was forced to use this "new" Facebook. There were tabs, the wall and mini feed joined together and there was this little box that I'm still not sure what I'm supposed to write there. I just didn't like the change. I know that Facebook went out of their way to prepare me for this change, but I still did not like. Some people joined groups to protest but I was too lazy. I got over it. But I complained a lot.
I'm not really remembering anything huge happening throughout most of 2009 except that everyone and their mother joined Facebook. When Paul refused my mother's friend request, she said "You're dead to me." I kid you not. In November or December, Facebook changed the privacy settings because networks were getting too big or something like that. So basically, networks mean nothing any more and most everyone has their profile set to private. Way to make Facebook stalking difficult, Facebook. It's not like I'm a crazy person. I only stalked people I knew but didn't even like enough to be Facebook friends. I'm nosy, that's all.
And then, there was yesterday when I checked Facebook then went to class for 2 hours and was welcomed to the "new and improved" Facebook home page. It was easy for me to ignore notifications when they were at the bottom of the page but now they stare me in the face in the upper left corner. Stop changing, Facebook. You didn't add anything really. Everything is just in a different place. I'm going to let you in on a little secret, Facebook. I'm like a trained monkey. Most of what I do, I don't think about. When something changes slightly, it throws me off. I'll get used to Facebook again but give me at least a couple months before you change it again.
Facebook really is a lot different then when I started using it. There is so much more to do on there and yet I use it a lot less. I don't know. Maybe I have less time to spend on there. Maybe I don't have as many people to talk to on there (the turn over rate on my friends is suprisingly high). Or maybe all the changes have taken the fun out of Facebook. It was distinctly college. I used it to look up people in my classes. I would look at the drunken pictures that were posted the day after a crazy party. I actually cared about who was in a relationship with whom and whether it was complicated or not. You know, important things like that. Now, everyone has family photos and wedding photos and pictures of their children. It just saddens me to see how much it has changed. Facebook seemed like a rite of passage. Now, my mom farms on Facebook.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Sunday, February 7, 2010
Life Unexpected Review/ Recap Episodes 1-3
Today, I vowed to do lots of research. I did not do that. Instead, I watched the first three episodes of Life Unexpected. It's a CW show. I've had an odd relationship with CW shows. First of all, when the WB and UPN combined to create the CW, they canceled Everwood. They canceled Everwood. I loved that show. It was teen angsty and adult angsty and there was lots of family drama. Real family drama. Not the crap that 7th Heaven called family drama. Anyway, I watched the first episode of Gossip Girl and was not interested. At some point, I do intend to watch Gossip Girl since I hear good things about it now but that probably won't be for a long time. I stuck with 90210 for the better part of the first season, you know, if 90210 even had a better part of the first season. I missed the last two episodes of the first season and have no desire to watch them. No show on the CW has ever grabbed my attention. Enter Life Unexpected.
The commercials kept calling it Gilmore Girls meets Juno. I liked Gilmore Girls. I liked Juno. One would think that that is the reason I decided to check it out. Well, no, it's not. I don't really like when TV shows or movies rely on a comparison to other shows or movies in their ads. It seems like lazy advertising. Just show the clips and let them speak for themselves. The real reason I had to check out Life Unexpected was because I am a sucker for long lost kid storylines. True story. Anytime there is a long lost kid on any soap opera (except Bold & the Beautiful, even I have standards), I will start watching that soap. I did it with Guiding Light when Gus' long lost son Rafe showed up. I did it with One Life to Live when Rex's long lost son Shane came into the picture. And I've fully supported every time General Hospital has done it. In case you were wondering, I'm loving the current storyline with Olivia finally telling Sonny that Dante is his son. Of course she had to wait until after Sonny shot Dante because he found out that Dante was an undercover cop trying to arrest him for his mob activities. I really do love soap operas so much.
So Life Unexpected revolves around a teenage girl named Lux who has spent her whole life in foster care thanks to a heart defect that required lots of surgery and by the time she was healthy enough to be adopted, she was too old. At least that's what the show tells us and I've learned to just roll with it. Let's just consider it the technobabble of family drama. As Lux's 16th birthday approaches, she wants to be emancipated but apparently that cannot be granted because her birth parents never signed over their rights. So Lux takes it upon herself to get their signatures so she can be emancipated instead of a social worker contacting them because whether or not Lux wants emancipation, her birth parents need to terminate their rights, right? Isn't the state of Oregon (oh yeah, it's set in Portland) committing kidnapping by keeping her in foster care if her birth parents haven't signed this magical piece of paper? Oh, yeah, technobabble. I forgot.
The show begins with Cate Cassidy and her co-host/boyfriend Ryan doing their morning radio talk show. I think it's nice that the show is trying to raise awareness that there are still radio talk shows out there. Lux is listening to the show as her younger foster brother barges into the bathroom. Lux has an argument with her foster mom during which foster mom recites the ready made lines that Law & Order: SVU shipped over and says that the state doesn't pay her enough to take care of Lux. With that, Lux responds that she's going to be emancipated. Next time we see Lux, she's listening to Cate's talk show on her journey to emancipation. Lux shows up on her father's doorstep because she saw his name and address on a form on her social worker's desk. I need to point out that her father, Nate Basile better known as Baze, owns and lives above a bar. So this could not possibly have been his address in high school when Lux was born. Apparently someone updated the records to get his new contact information but never bothered to ask him to sign one little form. Well, Baze is surprised to find out that this girl standing in front of his bar is his daughter and so are his two roommates because that's how you know a 30 something year old guy is immature, he has roommates. Once inside, Lux tries to explain to the three slackers that she wants to be emancipated blah blah, sign here, and try to remember the name of the girl you knocked up. Baze's girlfriend enters. Oh yeah, Baze has a girlfriend who we briefly met earlier in the episode. She had made a joke about him being a slacker and then went for a run. Now she's back. Baze cleverly hides Lux behind his back as girlfriend goes into another room. Baze quickly blurts out that Cate Cassidy is Lux's mother as he tries to push her out the door but Lux is too busy fangirling out because she's a huge fan of Cate Cassidy. One of Baze's roommates who apparently went to the same high school is also shocked by this news. IMDb tells me that this roomate's name is Math. He's the more important of the two roommates because he is the moral compass who tells Baze to grow up. Girlfriend enters again, discovers truth, and demands that Baze call Cate to tell her himself.
Over at Cate's house, Ryan proposes. They have a fight because she's afraid of commitment. He does one of those completely cliche "I'm going to list all of your flaws but say I love you before each one and make it sound super romantic rather than extremely douchey." Ryan proposes again. Cate accepts. Phone rings. She's going to let it go to the machine and how cute is that that she still has a land line and an answering machine. But it's necessary so that she can hear it's Baze, pick up the phone, and then hang up on him.
Since they didn't get a hold of Cate, Lux ends up staying the night at Baze's place. They bond over watching adorable animals on YouTube. It's actually kind of sweet but I'm a sucker for overly cheesy things like that.
The next day, Baze and Lux are in the parking lot of Cate's radio station. Lux calls the station to talk to Cate. Um, she's doing a talk show right now. Could you wait a couple hours or at least request not to be put on the air? Anyway, Lux gets cold feet when she hears Cate's voice and hands the phone to Baze who says something like, "Hey, Cate. It's Nate Bazile from high school." I'm inclined to believe that "It's Nate Bazile" would have been enough since he got her pregnant and she seems to remember that based on her hanging up on him yesterday but again it's necessary for him to say this so Ryan can start asking questions about her in high school. He rattles off all of the things that could have happened in high school that would make Cate the way she is today. Ok, Ryan, I'm going to say this once, so listen. Wil Wheaton says, "Don't be a dick." Cate has a fear of commitment and won't let anyone close to her and won't say why. Maybe she was raped. Did you ever think of that? And you need to keep badgering her into talking about what happened to her to make her this way. Right now, Ryan, I think you're the biggest douche in a show that has three slackers living above a bar. It might be time to reevaluate your life. Anyway, Ryan hits the nail on the head when he says, "What? Were you one of those girls that got knocked up after prom?" Cate has tears in her eyes and Baze comments that it was the Winter Formal. Cate runs out and confronts Baze. She yells a lot before he finally steps aside to introduce her to her daughter. They get down to the business of signing the paper and Cate is shocked that Lux was never adopted. Lux needs to get to her social worker's office and Cate volunteers to drive her. Here is where we discover that Lux had a hole in her heart and that's why she wasn't adopted. Cate tries to get motherly but Lux is having none of that.
Lux's court date for emancipation arrives. Cate and Baze show up separately. The judge calls complete crap on Lux's plan for emancipation. The judge is slightly nicer than Judge Judy. She decides to place Lux in the temporary care of her biological parents. As they exit the court house, Cate and Baze argue about high school and all that drama so Lux yells at them and walks away in a huff. Lux returns to her foster home to discover that her foster mother has packed up all her things in anticipation of her emancipation and their fight over it. I guess it's nice that she packed them up in suit cases instead of throwing everything out the window in garbage bags (which is actually a decent way of moving).
Back at Baze's bar, Cate, who just had a fight with Ryan in which she gave him back the ring, and Baze commiserate over Lux even though they had just been yelling at each other over the same thing. We discover a little to much about Lux's conception like it lasted less than the length of "Two Princes" and took place in Baze's mom's mini van. Oh, and Cate lost her virginity that night. Anyway, all this reminiscing causes them to start kissing and drunkenly stumble to the bedroom. The next morning, Cate delivers the traditional "This never happened" speech and leaves only to trip over Lux who slept in front of the bar waiting for Baze. Lux and Cate have a conversation which ends with Cate deciding that Lux will stay with her. Cate goes to work, proposes to Ryan and tells him she wants to take care of Lux with his help.
Cate and Lux arrive home where Baze and his friends are waiting to wish Lux a happy birthday. Ryan joins the party. There's some tension. Lux blows out her candles but already has her wish because she has a family. Except that the next two episodes deal a lot with the fact that Lux felt she already had a family with her fellow orphans that she planned to move in with once she was emancipated. But I guess they didn't have that in mind when they wrote the pilot.
It was super cheesy but I liked. It looks like there will be lots of family drama and angst. It's totally my type of show. If you've made it this far, congratulations. I swear I'll keep the next two episodes brief.
The second episode revolves mostly around Cate and Baze prepare for their home inspections by Lux's social worker. The social worker has to decide if they are fit to be foster parents. Again, I'm confused. They didn't terminate their parental rights. Lux is still a minor. They are her biological parents. Is a social worker still needed. If Baze and Cate are willing to take care of her, isn't this case closed? So Cate is freaking out and trying to make sure that Baze is taking this seriously.
While all this is going on, Lux visits her orphan friends who are super pissed that she actually wants to stay with her parents. They manage to convince her that she should get her stuff from Cate's house and move in with them. When the orphan gang is in Cate's house, one of them picks up Cate's engagement ring with the intention of stealing it. Lux stops him and admits that she actually wants to stay with Cate. Tasha, Lux's BFF, pretty much tells Lux that Cate's going to end up kicking her out the first time she does something wrong. Tasha and Lux stand there awkwardly enough after their fight to hear Cate on the radio read a statement that she did not have a baby in high school because apparently that is too big of a scandal for the local radio station. Lux feels unwanted all over again. Way to go, Cate, you know that Lux is a big fan of the show. How was she not going to hear about this? Cate comes home and can't find her engagement ring. The next day, Lux blames her friends and demands the ring back. They can't believe that she would pick her mom over them and tell her they didn't take it. They are so done with her.
Meanwhile, Baze is still being a slacker and not prepared for the social worker. Cate and Baze end up having a very public fight about him not wanting this in front of both Lux and the social worker but Lux one ups Cate with the revelation that she heard what Cate said on the radio. Things look grim for Cate and Baze. But it'll all be okay when they track the social worker down the next day and give her the paper work she needed and a speech about wanting to be parents. Cate pulls the "I never would have given her up if I knew this was the life she would have" card but none of it matters. Lux told the social worker that she wants to go back to the group home for girls" and obviously a 16 year old girl knows what is best for herself.
Lux decided to apologize to her friends but in the process discovered (surprise, surprise) that Tasha stole the ring with the hopes that Cate would kick Lux out over it. Little did Tasha know that Cate never even asked Lux about the ring. Lux is angry and leaves because that is the only way to leave a room on this show. Cate arrives at the orphan's apartment later to find Lux and Tasha tells her that she knows Lux would be better off with Cate.
Lux goes back to Cate's house and Ryan shows her that he and Cate had been getting a room ready for her in the attic. Cate arrives and they bond. At some point, Math gave Baze a lecture about growing up and taking responsibility but I honestly don't remember when that happened so let's say it goes here. Cate tells her listeners about her daughter on the radio after the judge grants them custody. Cate gets primary physical custody since Baze lives over a bar and that's apparently not the best environment for a teenager. Anyway, they will all live happily ever after until the next episode when Baze's parents discover that they have a granddaughter over the radio. Oh, the drama.
Really, this one will be shorter. Episode 3. So Cate is taking calls about being a parent on the air when her sister Abbie calls in to give Cate a hard time about not telling the family that the daughter she gave up years ago has come back into her life. Abbie turns the conversation into the direction of the father who Abbie believes was the school mascot because apparently no one in this family has a problem with discussing personal matters on the air. Ryan reveals that the father is Baze and the sister pretty much flips out because she had a crush on him in high school. Anyway, thanks to this conversation, Baze's father hears about Lux and blackmails Baze into bringing Lux and Cate over to dinner or else he won't lend Baze any money ($3200 to be exact) to pay the rent on his bar. Baze's father could not express his disappointment in his son anymore than he does in this scene, well until the dinner scene at least. Baze tells his father that he didn't even know Cate was pregnant in high school because apparently that makes him less of a disappointment.
Elsewhere, Cate decides to transfer Lux to a better school, the high school that she and Baze went to and apparently where Math works. If he teaches Math, I will punch someone. Cate does not discuss this with Lux or Baze and Lux is not happy because she will not be able to see Tasha anymore. I kinda thought we were done with that ring stealing liar but I guess not. Also, Baze and Cate meet Lux's boyfriend Bug and they don't like him. Bug thinks he and Lux and their friends should take Lux's savings ($3000 to be exact) and move somewhere else together. Are we seriously still talking about this? Didn't she decide in the last episode that she wanted to stay with her parents? And didn't she decide it in the episode before that?
Baze, Cate, and Lux go to the Basile mansion for dinner. Did I mention that his parents are wealthy. Turns out the Basiles invited Cate's sister and mother as well. They apparently are all staging an intervention about what horrible parents Baze and Cate will be. This intervention may have gone slightly better if Lux was not invited but what do I know about interventions. Cate's mom suggests she raise Lux and Baze's parents suggests that they raise Lux since they are the only one's in the room capable of being good parents to which Cate responds, "Have you met your son?" I get that this is the dinner conversation that would have happened 16 years ago but Baze and Cate are in their 30s, they can handle a kid. Baze's father makes a comment about Cate not telling Baze about the baby in high school. Cate looks sad. Baze confesses he knew. In all this commotion, Lux has left with Bug. She goes home and gets her money commenting about how being treated badly by foster parents is bad enough but to be treated that way by your real parents is horrible. You see what they did there? We're supposed to think she's talking about her treatment by her own parents but she's really talking about Baze and his dad.
The next day, she brings the money to Baze's dad telling him that it was from Baze. She bitches him out for being a crappy dad then leaves. Baze's dad later shows up at the bar, kinda apologizes, tells Baze about Lux delivering the money without knowing it was Lux's money and says that Lux is welcome at their house anytime. At home, Cate promises to Lux that they will make decisions as a family. Cate wants to have another family dinner but with Lux's family aka the orphans. Baze promises Lux that he will pay her back because she shouldn't have to take care of him. It's okay. She doesn't mind. Time to be a big happy family again until the next time that Lux feels like she's unwanted.
So, I guess it is a little like Gilmore Girls except the role of Lorelai Gilmore is broken down into two characters. The responsible, neurotic mom part will be played by Cate while the immature, "I'm not a parent, more like your friend because my parents are rich dicks" part will be played by Baze. He's got the rich parents and you know at some point he will borrow money from them for Lux's education or something and they will all be forced to go to Friday dinners. Also, Baze is playing the Luke and Christopher part. Instead of a diner, it's a bar that he owns and lives above. And the whole not helping when Cate got pregnant is just like Christopher. I guess Ryan is also sorta like Luke because he's going to help take care of Lux. Whatever, I like it so far and will keep watching. I might keep writing reviews/recaps if the spirit moves me.
The commercials kept calling it Gilmore Girls meets Juno. I liked Gilmore Girls. I liked Juno. One would think that that is the reason I decided to check it out. Well, no, it's not. I don't really like when TV shows or movies rely on a comparison to other shows or movies in their ads. It seems like lazy advertising. Just show the clips and let them speak for themselves. The real reason I had to check out Life Unexpected was because I am a sucker for long lost kid storylines. True story. Anytime there is a long lost kid on any soap opera (except Bold & the Beautiful, even I have standards), I will start watching that soap. I did it with Guiding Light when Gus' long lost son Rafe showed up. I did it with One Life to Live when Rex's long lost son Shane came into the picture. And I've fully supported every time General Hospital has done it. In case you were wondering, I'm loving the current storyline with Olivia finally telling Sonny that Dante is his son. Of course she had to wait until after Sonny shot Dante because he found out that Dante was an undercover cop trying to arrest him for his mob activities. I really do love soap operas so much.
So Life Unexpected revolves around a teenage girl named Lux who has spent her whole life in foster care thanks to a heart defect that required lots of surgery and by the time she was healthy enough to be adopted, she was too old. At least that's what the show tells us and I've learned to just roll with it. Let's just consider it the technobabble of family drama. As Lux's 16th birthday approaches, she wants to be emancipated but apparently that cannot be granted because her birth parents never signed over their rights. So Lux takes it upon herself to get their signatures so she can be emancipated instead of a social worker contacting them because whether or not Lux wants emancipation, her birth parents need to terminate their rights, right? Isn't the state of Oregon (oh yeah, it's set in Portland) committing kidnapping by keeping her in foster care if her birth parents haven't signed this magical piece of paper? Oh, yeah, technobabble. I forgot.
The show begins with Cate Cassidy and her co-host/boyfriend Ryan doing their morning radio talk show. I think it's nice that the show is trying to raise awareness that there are still radio talk shows out there. Lux is listening to the show as her younger foster brother barges into the bathroom. Lux has an argument with her foster mom during which foster mom recites the ready made lines that Law & Order: SVU shipped over and says that the state doesn't pay her enough to take care of Lux. With that, Lux responds that she's going to be emancipated. Next time we see Lux, she's listening to Cate's talk show on her journey to emancipation. Lux shows up on her father's doorstep because she saw his name and address on a form on her social worker's desk. I need to point out that her father, Nate Basile better known as Baze, owns and lives above a bar. So this could not possibly have been his address in high school when Lux was born. Apparently someone updated the records to get his new contact information but never bothered to ask him to sign one little form. Well, Baze is surprised to find out that this girl standing in front of his bar is his daughter and so are his two roommates because that's how you know a 30 something year old guy is immature, he has roommates. Once inside, Lux tries to explain to the three slackers that she wants to be emancipated blah blah, sign here, and try to remember the name of the girl you knocked up. Baze's girlfriend enters. Oh yeah, Baze has a girlfriend who we briefly met earlier in the episode. She had made a joke about him being a slacker and then went for a run. Now she's back. Baze cleverly hides Lux behind his back as girlfriend goes into another room. Baze quickly blurts out that Cate Cassidy is Lux's mother as he tries to push her out the door but Lux is too busy fangirling out because she's a huge fan of Cate Cassidy. One of Baze's roommates who apparently went to the same high school is also shocked by this news. IMDb tells me that this roomate's name is Math. He's the more important of the two roommates because he is the moral compass who tells Baze to grow up. Girlfriend enters again, discovers truth, and demands that Baze call Cate to tell her himself.
Over at Cate's house, Ryan proposes. They have a fight because she's afraid of commitment. He does one of those completely cliche "I'm going to list all of your flaws but say I love you before each one and make it sound super romantic rather than extremely douchey." Ryan proposes again. Cate accepts. Phone rings. She's going to let it go to the machine and how cute is that that she still has a land line and an answering machine. But it's necessary so that she can hear it's Baze, pick up the phone, and then hang up on him.
Since they didn't get a hold of Cate, Lux ends up staying the night at Baze's place. They bond over watching adorable animals on YouTube. It's actually kind of sweet but I'm a sucker for overly cheesy things like that.
The next day, Baze and Lux are in the parking lot of Cate's radio station. Lux calls the station to talk to Cate. Um, she's doing a talk show right now. Could you wait a couple hours or at least request not to be put on the air? Anyway, Lux gets cold feet when she hears Cate's voice and hands the phone to Baze who says something like, "Hey, Cate. It's Nate Bazile from high school." I'm inclined to believe that "It's Nate Bazile" would have been enough since he got her pregnant and she seems to remember that based on her hanging up on him yesterday but again it's necessary for him to say this so Ryan can start asking questions about her in high school. He rattles off all of the things that could have happened in high school that would make Cate the way she is today. Ok, Ryan, I'm going to say this once, so listen. Wil Wheaton says, "Don't be a dick." Cate has a fear of commitment and won't let anyone close to her and won't say why. Maybe she was raped. Did you ever think of that? And you need to keep badgering her into talking about what happened to her to make her this way. Right now, Ryan, I think you're the biggest douche in a show that has three slackers living above a bar. It might be time to reevaluate your life. Anyway, Ryan hits the nail on the head when he says, "What? Were you one of those girls that got knocked up after prom?" Cate has tears in her eyes and Baze comments that it was the Winter Formal. Cate runs out and confronts Baze. She yells a lot before he finally steps aside to introduce her to her daughter. They get down to the business of signing the paper and Cate is shocked that Lux was never adopted. Lux needs to get to her social worker's office and Cate volunteers to drive her. Here is where we discover that Lux had a hole in her heart and that's why she wasn't adopted. Cate tries to get motherly but Lux is having none of that.
Lux's court date for emancipation arrives. Cate and Baze show up separately. The judge calls complete crap on Lux's plan for emancipation. The judge is slightly nicer than Judge Judy. She decides to place Lux in the temporary care of her biological parents. As they exit the court house, Cate and Baze argue about high school and all that drama so Lux yells at them and walks away in a huff. Lux returns to her foster home to discover that her foster mother has packed up all her things in anticipation of her emancipation and their fight over it. I guess it's nice that she packed them up in suit cases instead of throwing everything out the window in garbage bags (which is actually a decent way of moving).
Back at Baze's bar, Cate, who just had a fight with Ryan in which she gave him back the ring, and Baze commiserate over Lux even though they had just been yelling at each other over the same thing. We discover a little to much about Lux's conception like it lasted less than the length of "Two Princes" and took place in Baze's mom's mini van. Oh, and Cate lost her virginity that night. Anyway, all this reminiscing causes them to start kissing and drunkenly stumble to the bedroom. The next morning, Cate delivers the traditional "This never happened" speech and leaves only to trip over Lux who slept in front of the bar waiting for Baze. Lux and Cate have a conversation which ends with Cate deciding that Lux will stay with her. Cate goes to work, proposes to Ryan and tells him she wants to take care of Lux with his help.
Cate and Lux arrive home where Baze and his friends are waiting to wish Lux a happy birthday. Ryan joins the party. There's some tension. Lux blows out her candles but already has her wish because she has a family. Except that the next two episodes deal a lot with the fact that Lux felt she already had a family with her fellow orphans that she planned to move in with once she was emancipated. But I guess they didn't have that in mind when they wrote the pilot.
It was super cheesy but I liked. It looks like there will be lots of family drama and angst. It's totally my type of show. If you've made it this far, congratulations. I swear I'll keep the next two episodes brief.
The second episode revolves mostly around Cate and Baze prepare for their home inspections by Lux's social worker. The social worker has to decide if they are fit to be foster parents. Again, I'm confused. They didn't terminate their parental rights. Lux is still a minor. They are her biological parents. Is a social worker still needed. If Baze and Cate are willing to take care of her, isn't this case closed? So Cate is freaking out and trying to make sure that Baze is taking this seriously.
While all this is going on, Lux visits her orphan friends who are super pissed that she actually wants to stay with her parents. They manage to convince her that she should get her stuff from Cate's house and move in with them. When the orphan gang is in Cate's house, one of them picks up Cate's engagement ring with the intention of stealing it. Lux stops him and admits that she actually wants to stay with Cate. Tasha, Lux's BFF, pretty much tells Lux that Cate's going to end up kicking her out the first time she does something wrong. Tasha and Lux stand there awkwardly enough after their fight to hear Cate on the radio read a statement that she did not have a baby in high school because apparently that is too big of a scandal for the local radio station. Lux feels unwanted all over again. Way to go, Cate, you know that Lux is a big fan of the show. How was she not going to hear about this? Cate comes home and can't find her engagement ring. The next day, Lux blames her friends and demands the ring back. They can't believe that she would pick her mom over them and tell her they didn't take it. They are so done with her.
Meanwhile, Baze is still being a slacker and not prepared for the social worker. Cate and Baze end up having a very public fight about him not wanting this in front of both Lux and the social worker but Lux one ups Cate with the revelation that she heard what Cate said on the radio. Things look grim for Cate and Baze. But it'll all be okay when they track the social worker down the next day and give her the paper work she needed and a speech about wanting to be parents. Cate pulls the "I never would have given her up if I knew this was the life she would have" card but none of it matters. Lux told the social worker that she wants to go back to the group home for girls" and obviously a 16 year old girl knows what is best for herself.
Lux decided to apologize to her friends but in the process discovered (surprise, surprise) that Tasha stole the ring with the hopes that Cate would kick Lux out over it. Little did Tasha know that Cate never even asked Lux about the ring. Lux is angry and leaves because that is the only way to leave a room on this show. Cate arrives at the orphan's apartment later to find Lux and Tasha tells her that she knows Lux would be better off with Cate.
Lux goes back to Cate's house and Ryan shows her that he and Cate had been getting a room ready for her in the attic. Cate arrives and they bond. At some point, Math gave Baze a lecture about growing up and taking responsibility but I honestly don't remember when that happened so let's say it goes here. Cate tells her listeners about her daughter on the radio after the judge grants them custody. Cate gets primary physical custody since Baze lives over a bar and that's apparently not the best environment for a teenager. Anyway, they will all live happily ever after until the next episode when Baze's parents discover that they have a granddaughter over the radio. Oh, the drama.
Really, this one will be shorter. Episode 3. So Cate is taking calls about being a parent on the air when her sister Abbie calls in to give Cate a hard time about not telling the family that the daughter she gave up years ago has come back into her life. Abbie turns the conversation into the direction of the father who Abbie believes was the school mascot because apparently no one in this family has a problem with discussing personal matters on the air. Ryan reveals that the father is Baze and the sister pretty much flips out because she had a crush on him in high school. Anyway, thanks to this conversation, Baze's father hears about Lux and blackmails Baze into bringing Lux and Cate over to dinner or else he won't lend Baze any money ($3200 to be exact) to pay the rent on his bar. Baze's father could not express his disappointment in his son anymore than he does in this scene, well until the dinner scene at least. Baze tells his father that he didn't even know Cate was pregnant in high school because apparently that makes him less of a disappointment.
Elsewhere, Cate decides to transfer Lux to a better school, the high school that she and Baze went to and apparently where Math works. If he teaches Math, I will punch someone. Cate does not discuss this with Lux or Baze and Lux is not happy because she will not be able to see Tasha anymore. I kinda thought we were done with that ring stealing liar but I guess not. Also, Baze and Cate meet Lux's boyfriend Bug and they don't like him. Bug thinks he and Lux and their friends should take Lux's savings ($3000 to be exact) and move somewhere else together. Are we seriously still talking about this? Didn't she decide in the last episode that she wanted to stay with her parents? And didn't she decide it in the episode before that?
Baze, Cate, and Lux go to the Basile mansion for dinner. Did I mention that his parents are wealthy. Turns out the Basiles invited Cate's sister and mother as well. They apparently are all staging an intervention about what horrible parents Baze and Cate will be. This intervention may have gone slightly better if Lux was not invited but what do I know about interventions. Cate's mom suggests she raise Lux and Baze's parents suggests that they raise Lux since they are the only one's in the room capable of being good parents to which Cate responds, "Have you met your son?" I get that this is the dinner conversation that would have happened 16 years ago but Baze and Cate are in their 30s, they can handle a kid. Baze's father makes a comment about Cate not telling Baze about the baby in high school. Cate looks sad. Baze confesses he knew. In all this commotion, Lux has left with Bug. She goes home and gets her money commenting about how being treated badly by foster parents is bad enough but to be treated that way by your real parents is horrible. You see what they did there? We're supposed to think she's talking about her treatment by her own parents but she's really talking about Baze and his dad.
The next day, she brings the money to Baze's dad telling him that it was from Baze. She bitches him out for being a crappy dad then leaves. Baze's dad later shows up at the bar, kinda apologizes, tells Baze about Lux delivering the money without knowing it was Lux's money and says that Lux is welcome at their house anytime. At home, Cate promises to Lux that they will make decisions as a family. Cate wants to have another family dinner but with Lux's family aka the orphans. Baze promises Lux that he will pay her back because she shouldn't have to take care of him. It's okay. She doesn't mind. Time to be a big happy family again until the next time that Lux feels like she's unwanted.
So, I guess it is a little like Gilmore Girls except the role of Lorelai Gilmore is broken down into two characters. The responsible, neurotic mom part will be played by Cate while the immature, "I'm not a parent, more like your friend because my parents are rich dicks" part will be played by Baze. He's got the rich parents and you know at some point he will borrow money from them for Lux's education or something and they will all be forced to go to Friday dinners. Also, Baze is playing the Luke and Christopher part. Instead of a diner, it's a bar that he owns and lives above. And the whole not helping when Cate got pregnant is just like Christopher. I guess Ryan is also sorta like Luke because he's going to help take care of Lux. Whatever, I like it so far and will keep watching. I might keep writing reviews/recaps if the spirit moves me.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Jesus of Suburbia Superstar
Warning: This post is not particularly funny. It is extremely reflective. I also do a bit of whining. It occasionally shifts focus a lot.
Since the Grammys, I've been thinking a lot about the American Idiot Broadway musical. I've already posted about the music during my pre-teen years and how the Backstreet Boys pretty much defined that time of my life. If I needed to pick an album to define my high school career, it would be American Idiot which came out at the beginning of my junior year. I was not a punk chick in the slightest so I don't really know why I was drawn to American Idiot, but I was. I probably listened to "Jesus of Suburbia" as many times as I listened to "Defying Gravity" (fun fact: I bought American Idiot and the Wicked soundtrack on the same day). I have a fondness for American Idiot. I adore Broadway musicals. So why am I so against the idea of American Idiot the musical?
Surprisingly, I think I can answer that question. It's because I tie that album so closely to my time in high school. To me, it is distinctly 2004. I know it's only six years ago and I always talk about things from then like it wasn't that long ago. But it kinda was. The attitudes in 2004 were different than they are now. The invasion of Iraq. Weapons of mass destruction. Mustard gas. Freedom fries. Most people, if not everyone, now agrees that invading Iraq was a bad idea. In 2003 and 2004, it was Unamerican to disagree. Just ask the Dixie Chicks. Around this time was when I (and I imagine a lot of other people) started watching the Daily Show on a regular basis. They told it like it was on the Daily Show. They acknowledged the ridiculousness of the mainstream media when the mainstream media reported the "facts." The songs "American Idiot" and "Holiday" reflect this attitude about the media. Sure, you can try to tell me that the media is still the same and the Daily Show still does that. But it was different then. First of all, the Daily Show still had a couch for the guests to sit on because it was a late night talk show that also happened to talk about politics among other things. Secondly, now most people have learned to be wary of the mainstream media (thanks in part to the Daily Show) but in 2004, we still had complete faith in CNN.
And back then, the big fashion and lifestyle trend was to be emo and/or punk. Now, it's to be a hipster which from my understanding requires tighter pants and slightly less emotion than being emo required. In my mind, I had a clear picture of Jesus of Suburbia, St. Jimmy and Whatsername. Since then, those trends have gone away. What I'm saying is that the fashion, attitudes and tone of 2004 was different than it is now. In my opinion, the American Idiot musical is either five years too late or twenty years too early.
Honestly, I'm not a huge Green Day fan. I like Green Day just fine. I have nothing against them. I just didn't run out and buy 21st Century Breakdown when it came out. Wikipedia tells me that that album is also a rock opera. So American Idiot is a rock opera? And 21st Century Breakdown is a rock opera? So let's combine the two and make a Broadway rock opera? I know it wouldn't have been as long as they might want, but they should do two separate rock operas as they are written. I feel that to combine what is obviously two different stories into one will lose something.
What it comes down to for me is that I am graduating from college in May. Things, such as American Idiot going to Broadway and my mom being on Facebook (which will be another post entirely), have got me reflecting upon my life over the past five to seven years. A lot has changed. American Idiot was high school for me. For interest in American Idiot to be renewed seems wrong. Maybe I'm starting my post-grad, quarterlife, Demi Moore in St. Elmo's Fire crisis. Maybe I'm selfish. I just picture a new wave of teenagers becoming obsessed with American Idiot. But not American Idiot the album. They will be obsessed with American Idiot the musical. And maybe they will have a connection to it like I had a connection to the album. But I feel a claim over it. There are feelings that I had when listening to it based on the events that I lived through and those feelings cannot be recreated for a new wave of teens.
They've already stolen vampires from us, do they really need to steal American Idiot too?
Since the Grammys, I've been thinking a lot about the American Idiot Broadway musical. I've already posted about the music during my pre-teen years and how the Backstreet Boys pretty much defined that time of my life. If I needed to pick an album to define my high school career, it would be American Idiot which came out at the beginning of my junior year. I was not a punk chick in the slightest so I don't really know why I was drawn to American Idiot, but I was. I probably listened to "Jesus of Suburbia" as many times as I listened to "Defying Gravity" (fun fact: I bought American Idiot and the Wicked soundtrack on the same day). I have a fondness for American Idiot. I adore Broadway musicals. So why am I so against the idea of American Idiot the musical?
Surprisingly, I think I can answer that question. It's because I tie that album so closely to my time in high school. To me, it is distinctly 2004. I know it's only six years ago and I always talk about things from then like it wasn't that long ago. But it kinda was. The attitudes in 2004 were different than they are now. The invasion of Iraq. Weapons of mass destruction. Mustard gas. Freedom fries. Most people, if not everyone, now agrees that invading Iraq was a bad idea. In 2003 and 2004, it was Unamerican to disagree. Just ask the Dixie Chicks. Around this time was when I (and I imagine a lot of other people) started watching the Daily Show on a regular basis. They told it like it was on the Daily Show. They acknowledged the ridiculousness of the mainstream media when the mainstream media reported the "facts." The songs "American Idiot" and "Holiday" reflect this attitude about the media. Sure, you can try to tell me that the media is still the same and the Daily Show still does that. But it was different then. First of all, the Daily Show still had a couch for the guests to sit on because it was a late night talk show that also happened to talk about politics among other things. Secondly, now most people have learned to be wary of the mainstream media (thanks in part to the Daily Show) but in 2004, we still had complete faith in CNN.
And back then, the big fashion and lifestyle trend was to be emo and/or punk. Now, it's to be a hipster which from my understanding requires tighter pants and slightly less emotion than being emo required. In my mind, I had a clear picture of Jesus of Suburbia, St. Jimmy and Whatsername. Since then, those trends have gone away. What I'm saying is that the fashion, attitudes and tone of 2004 was different than it is now. In my opinion, the American Idiot musical is either five years too late or twenty years too early.
Honestly, I'm not a huge Green Day fan. I like Green Day just fine. I have nothing against them. I just didn't run out and buy 21st Century Breakdown when it came out. Wikipedia tells me that that album is also a rock opera. So American Idiot is a rock opera? And 21st Century Breakdown is a rock opera? So let's combine the two and make a Broadway rock opera? I know it wouldn't have been as long as they might want, but they should do two separate rock operas as they are written. I feel that to combine what is obviously two different stories into one will lose something.
What it comes down to for me is that I am graduating from college in May. Things, such as American Idiot going to Broadway and my mom being on Facebook (which will be another post entirely), have got me reflecting upon my life over the past five to seven years. A lot has changed. American Idiot was high school for me. For interest in American Idiot to be renewed seems wrong. Maybe I'm starting my post-grad, quarterlife, Demi Moore in St. Elmo's Fire crisis. Maybe I'm selfish. I just picture a new wave of teenagers becoming obsessed with American Idiot. But not American Idiot the album. They will be obsessed with American Idiot the musical. And maybe they will have a connection to it like I had a connection to the album. But I feel a claim over it. There are feelings that I had when listening to it based on the events that I lived through and those feelings cannot be recreated for a new wave of teens.
They've already stolen vampires from us, do they really need to steal American Idiot too?
Saturday, January 30, 2010
My Advice to College Freshmen
Throughout my three and a half years of college, I've learned a lot. No, not that kind of learning, silly. I go to a liberal arts college. I've learned a lot about college. If nothing else comes from my college experience besides a degree that won't get me a job, I can at least spread my wisdom on to future generations.
When I started college, I felt I was not prepared. I'd heard stories and gotten advice from people but it did not help at all. Now, I know why it did not help. Because they were lying. Everyone, except me, is going to lie to you about college. Why? They can not find a job that requires their degree and start applying to various service positions . They do not want to compete with you for the job so they send you to college for four years with fairy tales that they have created in the hours of free time they have between writing cover letters and going to job interviews.
I promise I'm not lying to you. I want to help you. I know what you're thinking- "But you admittedly fail at life. Why should I listen to you?" Because the best advice on how to succeed comes from a failure. Ask someone who is successful how they did it. They'll say something like "I prayed and trusted in God" or "With lots of support from my family" or "I was lucky" or "lots of hard work and determination." I call bologna on all these responses. I've failed and can tell you how not to fail. And if you don't fail, then you succeed. It's sound logic. You're welcome.
Myth: It's all right to be undecided about your major when you are a freshman.
Truth: Choose your major by the end of the first semester of freshman year at the latest.
They are going to tell you that it's natural to remain undecided in your freshman year. Um, no. First day of classes, every other freshman you meet will tell you their chosen major, minor and/or double major, and where they are going to go to grad school in four years. You're still trying to decide whether chicken or beef is your favorite flavor of ramen.
If you don't choose your major by the end of fall semester freshman year, you are so totally screwed. There is always going to be a course you should have taken but didn't that was only offered your first semester or you won't be able to get enough credits in your major/minor or something. It's a known fact that the only thing that all the offices and departments in colleges communicate about is how to screw over students.
Myth: Never put a paper off until the night before it is due.
Truth: Always put a paper off until the night/morning before it is due.
Professors will tell you that there is no way to finish this paper the night before. It is not possible. You will fail. People have tried and they have failed. Except, people have tried and they've done just fine. You see, most students believe that this is a warning from the professor. It's not. It's a challenge. It's impossible to finish this paper the night before and get a good grade? I'll show you, Professor. Just think how impressed they will be that you were able to write something that brilliant in one night. They will have new found respect for you. They will want you to give them advice about writing papers. Also, you get to use the old "I have to write this 10 page paper that's due tomorrow" as an excuse to get out of floor meetings or hanging out with the crazy person down the hall or talking to your parents on the phone.
To be fair, the maximum you can do the night before is 10-12 pages. Possibly 15 pages if you're really good and don't require sleep.
Myth: Real college students drink every night especially on the nights before big papers are due (see above).
Truth: There will be little to no time to drink. Also, Thirsty Thursdays are for douchebags.
Real college students do not drink every night unless they are alcoholics. Lots of college students drink over the weekend. A good number drink on Thursday nights. We call those people douchebags. Well, not everyone who drinks on Thursday is a douche but most are. The people who still have classes on Friday but drink on Thursday night anyway are total douches. The people who have parties on Thursday nights because they don't have class on Friday but fail to take into consideration that other people on the floor might have class and not want drunk people being all kinds of obnoxious right outside their door are complete douchebags. The people who when drunk on any night of the week decide that the funnest thing in the whole world would be to set off a fire extinguisher or punch holes in the walls are equal parts complete douchebag and total asshat. Do not be these people.
Myth: High school sucked and college will be so much better.
Truth: High school sucked, college is more of the same suckiness and chances are real life is not better.
This myth will not die. First, we're told that high school is the best time of your life. Half way through high school, they finally let us in on the joke that that was a lie. But don't worry. College is really the best time of your life. We are total suckers for believing their lies again.
I enjoyed high school but would not say it was the best time of my life. At least, I hope that was not the best time of my life. There was a lot of unnecessary drama among my group of friends. People needed to mature and the consensus seemed to be that people would stop being immature once they entered college. False. People who were immature in high school stay immature in college. It's also likely that they will have access to alcohol (see above).
Immaturity + alcohol = unnecessary drama
College is like high school but worse because you are paying lots of money to be there. Also, your stupidity is documented on Facebook. But I guess that point is moot because everyone is on Facebook and networks don't matter anymore. I think most people stopped posting drunk pictures from frat parties when their grandma friended them on Facebook.
Myth: You will learn so much from hearing other students' opinions.
Truth: Most people's opinions are wrong and you will learn nothing from them.
Just because someone is in college does not mean they are smart or enlightened. But because they are in college, they believe that everything they say is brilliant. Anyone who thinks they are saying something that is brilliant is not saying anything that is worth hearing. They will think that what you have to say is stupid and that you are the most ignorant person in the world. You will not care at all. You just want to take a nap. You have three options to get out of this situation: 1) Debate them. Eventually one of you will run out of things to say. Or someone else will join the debate and you can leave while they are distracted. 2) Nod your head as though you agree and leave while they are patting themselves on the back for converting you over to their side. 3) Punch them in the face. Wait a moment as everyone around you applauds. Then leave.
Myth: All your college/ university cares about is giving you a good education.
Truth: All they want is your money and will sacrifice your education to get it.
When you go for a campus visit or when you go to orientation, everyone who gets paid by the university will tell you how education is the most important thing and everyone there is there to make sure that you get the best education. They may even throw around phrases like "affordable education." They know that this is what your parents want to hear. They know that this is what the Tracy Flicks of the world want to hear. The thing is, it's not true.
Your university worships money. Sure, they will give you an education in exchange for thousands of dollars. If this were a MasterCard commercial, they would say that a good education is priceless. But colleges and universities around the world have managed to put large price tags on education. It's a clever scheme. Make you think that an education is so invaluable then they offer to give you an education and charge obscene amounts of money.
If you do not pay the obscene amounts of money, they get very angry. They won't let you register for classes. They will withhold your grades. They will start charging you late fees because the best way to get a poor person to pay their already late bill is to charge them more. If you can, pay your tuition on line because the internet is nicer than the people who work in your university's office. They just don't seem to understand that some people just don't have the money especially in these difficult economic times. Fast food places had recession deals on their food long before my college even acknowledged that there was a recession.
Myth: You will gain the Freshman 15.
Truth: You are more likely to lose 10-15 pounds.
Everyone talks about the Freshman 15. Because obviously the first thing you want to do when getting to college is eat nothing but junk food. Well, yes, you will eat junk food and probably more than you would eat at home. But junk food can get to be expensive. You know what's cheap. Ramen. Also, as a freshman, you will eat most of your meals in the dining hall. The food will not be that good but the upperclassmen will insist that it is better than what it used to be. Chances are that you won't overeat.
You may think that you will exercise to make sure that you don't gain weight. This will not happen. You will take a nap instead. Never fear, you will spend a large part of the first semester running around campus trying to figure out where you are. That counts as exercise, right? You will also take the stairs often because you don't have time to wait for the elevator since you forgot to set an alarm to wake you up from your nap. You'll be 10 pounds lighter just in time to gain it all back over Christmas break.
Myth: Finals week is so stressful.
Truth: Finals week is when you will finally have time to go to the movies and play video games.
Yes, you will have spent large portions of your weekends playing video games but finals week is when you finally can beat those video games. You only need to go to each class only once that week if you have to go at all. You might have to sacrifice a night or two of finals week to write a paper or two or three. But the rest of the time is fair game to do whatever. No more required reading. You can read your comics for hours if you want. You can have a dance party. You can take a nap.
Other helpful hints:
Do not take a nap in your dorm room.
The dorms are the worst place to take a nap. It will be too noisy. You may still want to take a nap there because that is where your bed is. However, if you want a quiet place to nap, go to the library. Now, I know that the library is not always the quietest place but there is always a quiet corner somewhere. Look for the section with the oldest and biggest books. That is the quietest corner. You will be able to identify it by all the people taking naps there.
Do not confront your roommate if you are having a problem with them.
It is likely that you are living in a closet sized room with this person. Problems with them will occur. It will be their fault. If you bring it up, they will probably just get angrier because they think since it is their room too, they should be able to do whatever they like even if it is incredibly annoying. Instead, have a passive aggressive fight with them. If they want the window open, close it. If they want to listen to music without head phones, play your music louder. The only exception to this rule is if your roommate eats your Girl Scout cookies. The relationship between a person and their Girl Scout cookies is sacred. If someone violates this relationship, that person is responsible for what happens to them.
Buy lots of underwear.
Most colleges send you a recommended list of supplies that you will need when living in a dorm. Ignore this list. All you really need besides things you already own is lots more underwear. When you get to school, you will discover that you own lots of shirts. You will also discover that you do not care about wearing the same pants 7 times before washing them. How often you have to do laundry depends upon how many pairs of underwear you own. The best time to do laundry is Friday night. Sure, you might want to have fun on a Friday, but you won't have to wait for a washer or dryer and no one will take your clothes out because you didn't come back the second the timer went off. Sacrifice a Friday every once in a while. If you have lots of underwear, you might only have to do laundry once a semester.
Congratulations on your acceptance to college. Good luck. It will be the best time of your life.
When I started college, I felt I was not prepared. I'd heard stories and gotten advice from people but it did not help at all. Now, I know why it did not help. Because they were lying. Everyone, except me, is going to lie to you about college. Why? They can not find a job that requires their degree and start applying to various service positions . They do not want to compete with you for the job so they send you to college for four years with fairy tales that they have created in the hours of free time they have between writing cover letters and going to job interviews.
I promise I'm not lying to you. I want to help you. I know what you're thinking- "But you admittedly fail at life. Why should I listen to you?" Because the best advice on how to succeed comes from a failure. Ask someone who is successful how they did it. They'll say something like "I prayed and trusted in God" or "With lots of support from my family" or "I was lucky" or "lots of hard work and determination." I call bologna on all these responses. I've failed and can tell you how not to fail. And if you don't fail, then you succeed. It's sound logic. You're welcome.
Myth: It's all right to be undecided about your major when you are a freshman.
Truth: Choose your major by the end of the first semester of freshman year at the latest.
They are going to tell you that it's natural to remain undecided in your freshman year. Um, no. First day of classes, every other freshman you meet will tell you their chosen major, minor and/or double major, and where they are going to go to grad school in four years. You're still trying to decide whether chicken or beef is your favorite flavor of ramen.
If you don't choose your major by the end of fall semester freshman year, you are so totally screwed. There is always going to be a course you should have taken but didn't that was only offered your first semester or you won't be able to get enough credits in your major/minor or something. It's a known fact that the only thing that all the offices and departments in colleges communicate about is how to screw over students.
Myth: Never put a paper off until the night before it is due.
Truth: Always put a paper off until the night/morning before it is due.
Professors will tell you that there is no way to finish this paper the night before. It is not possible. You will fail. People have tried and they have failed. Except, people have tried and they've done just fine. You see, most students believe that this is a warning from the professor. It's not. It's a challenge. It's impossible to finish this paper the night before and get a good grade? I'll show you, Professor. Just think how impressed they will be that you were able to write something that brilliant in one night. They will have new found respect for you. They will want you to give them advice about writing papers. Also, you get to use the old "I have to write this 10 page paper that's due tomorrow" as an excuse to get out of floor meetings or hanging out with the crazy person down the hall or talking to your parents on the phone.
To be fair, the maximum you can do the night before is 10-12 pages. Possibly 15 pages if you're really good and don't require sleep.
Myth: Real college students drink every night especially on the nights before big papers are due (see above).
Truth: There will be little to no time to drink. Also, Thirsty Thursdays are for douchebags.
Real college students do not drink every night unless they are alcoholics. Lots of college students drink over the weekend. A good number drink on Thursday nights. We call those people douchebags. Well, not everyone who drinks on Thursday is a douche but most are. The people who still have classes on Friday but drink on Thursday night anyway are total douches. The people who have parties on Thursday nights because they don't have class on Friday but fail to take into consideration that other people on the floor might have class and not want drunk people being all kinds of obnoxious right outside their door are complete douchebags. The people who when drunk on any night of the week decide that the funnest thing in the whole world would be to set off a fire extinguisher or punch holes in the walls are equal parts complete douchebag and total asshat. Do not be these people.
Myth: High school sucked and college will be so much better.
Truth: High school sucked, college is more of the same suckiness and chances are real life is not better.
This myth will not die. First, we're told that high school is the best time of your life. Half way through high school, they finally let us in on the joke that that was a lie. But don't worry. College is really the best time of your life. We are total suckers for believing their lies again.
I enjoyed high school but would not say it was the best time of my life. At least, I hope that was not the best time of my life. There was a lot of unnecessary drama among my group of friends. People needed to mature and the consensus seemed to be that people would stop being immature once they entered college. False. People who were immature in high school stay immature in college. It's also likely that they will have access to alcohol (see above).
Immaturity + alcohol = unnecessary drama
College is like high school but worse because you are paying lots of money to be there. Also, your stupidity is documented on Facebook. But I guess that point is moot because everyone is on Facebook and networks don't matter anymore. I think most people stopped posting drunk pictures from frat parties when their grandma friended them on Facebook.
Myth: You will learn so much from hearing other students' opinions.
Truth: Most people's opinions are wrong and you will learn nothing from them.
Just because someone is in college does not mean they are smart or enlightened. But because they are in college, they believe that everything they say is brilliant. Anyone who thinks they are saying something that is brilliant is not saying anything that is worth hearing. They will think that what you have to say is stupid and that you are the most ignorant person in the world. You will not care at all. You just want to take a nap. You have three options to get out of this situation: 1) Debate them. Eventually one of you will run out of things to say. Or someone else will join the debate and you can leave while they are distracted. 2) Nod your head as though you agree and leave while they are patting themselves on the back for converting you over to their side. 3) Punch them in the face. Wait a moment as everyone around you applauds. Then leave.
Myth: All your college/ university cares about is giving you a good education.
Truth: All they want is your money and will sacrifice your education to get it.
When you go for a campus visit or when you go to orientation, everyone who gets paid by the university will tell you how education is the most important thing and everyone there is there to make sure that you get the best education. They may even throw around phrases like "affordable education." They know that this is what your parents want to hear. They know that this is what the Tracy Flicks of the world want to hear. The thing is, it's not true.
Your university worships money. Sure, they will give you an education in exchange for thousands of dollars. If this were a MasterCard commercial, they would say that a good education is priceless. But colleges and universities around the world have managed to put large price tags on education. It's a clever scheme. Make you think that an education is so invaluable then they offer to give you an education and charge obscene amounts of money.
If you do not pay the obscene amounts of money, they get very angry. They won't let you register for classes. They will withhold your grades. They will start charging you late fees because the best way to get a poor person to pay their already late bill is to charge them more. If you can, pay your tuition on line because the internet is nicer than the people who work in your university's office. They just don't seem to understand that some people just don't have the money especially in these difficult economic times. Fast food places had recession deals on their food long before my college even acknowledged that there was a recession.
Myth: You will gain the Freshman 15.
Truth: You are more likely to lose 10-15 pounds.
Everyone talks about the Freshman 15. Because obviously the first thing you want to do when getting to college is eat nothing but junk food. Well, yes, you will eat junk food and probably more than you would eat at home. But junk food can get to be expensive. You know what's cheap. Ramen. Also, as a freshman, you will eat most of your meals in the dining hall. The food will not be that good but the upperclassmen will insist that it is better than what it used to be. Chances are that you won't overeat.
You may think that you will exercise to make sure that you don't gain weight. This will not happen. You will take a nap instead. Never fear, you will spend a large part of the first semester running around campus trying to figure out where you are. That counts as exercise, right? You will also take the stairs often because you don't have time to wait for the elevator since you forgot to set an alarm to wake you up from your nap. You'll be 10 pounds lighter just in time to gain it all back over Christmas break.
Myth: Finals week is so stressful.
Truth: Finals week is when you will finally have time to go to the movies and play video games.
Yes, you will have spent large portions of your weekends playing video games but finals week is when you finally can beat those video games. You only need to go to each class only once that week if you have to go at all. You might have to sacrifice a night or two of finals week to write a paper or two or three. But the rest of the time is fair game to do whatever. No more required reading. You can read your comics for hours if you want. You can have a dance party. You can take a nap.
Other helpful hints:
Do not take a nap in your dorm room.
The dorms are the worst place to take a nap. It will be too noisy. You may still want to take a nap there because that is where your bed is. However, if you want a quiet place to nap, go to the library. Now, I know that the library is not always the quietest place but there is always a quiet corner somewhere. Look for the section with the oldest and biggest books. That is the quietest corner. You will be able to identify it by all the people taking naps there.
Do not confront your roommate if you are having a problem with them.
It is likely that you are living in a closet sized room with this person. Problems with them will occur. It will be their fault. If you bring it up, they will probably just get angrier because they think since it is their room too, they should be able to do whatever they like even if it is incredibly annoying. Instead, have a passive aggressive fight with them. If they want the window open, close it. If they want to listen to music without head phones, play your music louder. The only exception to this rule is if your roommate eats your Girl Scout cookies. The relationship between a person and their Girl Scout cookies is sacred. If someone violates this relationship, that person is responsible for what happens to them.
Buy lots of underwear.
Most colleges send you a recommended list of supplies that you will need when living in a dorm. Ignore this list. All you really need besides things you already own is lots more underwear. When you get to school, you will discover that you own lots of shirts. You will also discover that you do not care about wearing the same pants 7 times before washing them. How often you have to do laundry depends upon how many pairs of underwear you own. The best time to do laundry is Friday night. Sure, you might want to have fun on a Friday, but you won't have to wait for a washer or dryer and no one will take your clothes out because you didn't come back the second the timer went off. Sacrifice a Friday every once in a while. If you have lots of underwear, you might only have to do laundry once a semester.
Congratulations on your acceptance to college. Good luck. It will be the best time of your life.
Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Greatest Ace Procrastinator
On Sunday, Emily and I were talking about my blog and how unbelievably (yet believably) hysterical I am among other things. I mentioned that I wanted to write a blog post every week but that it did not look like one was going up for this week because I had nothing to say. Also, I’m a huge procrastinator. That’s when I said I would probably end up doing a post about being a procrastinator. But I’d do it tomorrow. Get it? I’m so funny. I would procrastinate doing a post about procrastination. That was Sunday. It's Tuesday.
I should also mention that the above paragraph was written at about 11:30 this morning and now (11:30 pm) I'm finally getting around to finishing it. But in my defense, I was in the library, Carrie showed up and we had an entirely too long conversation about Pokemon. I plan time for procrastinating and still end up behind schedule. I'm so horrible.
Family legend has it that my mother had scheduled a c-section on March 8, 1988. She went into labor early in the morning on Monday, March 7, 1988. It was the beginning of Procrastinator's Week. My mother says it's the only thing I've been early for in my entire life.
Full Disclosure: I went to bed and did not finish this post last night. It is now Wednesday evening. This stopped being funny about 24 hours ago. Now, it’s just pathetic. Speaking of pathetic, I have a night class in 40 minutes that I didn’t finish reading for and should probably be doing that. It’s okay though. I’m suppose to read Doing Honest Work in College and one of the first things the book says is that not reading isn’t cheating. It’s just not getting the most of your education or something. I was really just skimming that part.
So… I don’t really know where I’m going with this post. I really wanted to try and get at least one post up per week. Hence, me writing about anything. Of course, now I’m too late and it’s been over a week. I guess I’ll just have to deal. I promise I’ll do better next week. At least, I’ll try to do better next week. Spare me the “do or do not, there is no try” stuff. I know. You’re just going to have to deal too. Why? Because I’m the goddamn dynamic failure and I can goddamn write my posts about whatever I goddamn want. Goddamn it. Also I can post them whenever I want (but I’ll try to be better). I never said I was perfect. Okay. I did. Because I am.
Sunday, January 17, 2010
Law & Jedi Order: Coruscant Force Force
Law & Jedi Order: Coruscant Force Force
Episode I
Episode I
On Coruscant, the political center of the galaxy, the city which encompasses the entire planet is protected by two powerful yet incompetent Jedi Knights: Master Obi-Wan Kenobi and his padawan Anakin “Ani” Skywalker. These are their stories.
HOME OF JEDI APPRENTICE ANAKIN SKYWALKER AND SENATOR PADME AMIDALA-SKYWALKER
SENATE DISTRICT, GALACTIC CITY, CORUSCANT
Anakin: You're so beautiful.
Padme: I'm only beautiful because I love you.
Anakin: It's because I love you.
Padme: No, it's because I love you, Ani.
Anakin: No, it isn't.
Padme: Yes, it is.
Anakin: No, it's because... hold on. I've got to take this it's Obi-Wan. [A little hologram of Obi-Wan appears] What is thy bidding, my master?
Obi-Wan: I thought I told you to stop saying that, Ani.
Anakin: And I thought I told you to stop calling me Ani.
Obi-Wan: Fair enough. You need to get down to the library now. It seems someone has broken several librarian droids. Yoda wants us to investigate.
Anakin: Can't this wait? I'm in the middle of something.
Obi-Wan: No. Yoda wants us to investigate now. He thinks it might have been an inside job.
Anakin: Okay. I'll meet you there as soon as I can. [Obi-Wan's hologram disappears] Padme, can we finish this argument later?
Padme: Fine. I wish we wouldn't argue so much.
Anakin: We only argue because I love you.
Padme: No, it's because I love you.
Anakin: Yeah, that's why. Look, I really have to go now.
Padme: I love you.
Anakin: You said that already.
Padme: It's because I love you so much.
Anakin: Right. I'll be home later.
CORUSCANT LIBRARY
GALACTIC CITY, CORUSCANT
Obi-Wan: [examining the broken droids] Tell me again what happened.
LD-26: [inexplicably chewing gum] Ya see, I normally work the afternoon shift but I's switched with LD-44 cause she needed the night off. So's I'm working the night shift. An' the night shift is usually quiet. Well, I get here an' there's no one around. I's mean the night shift is quiet but it ain't this quiet. So's I know something ain't right and I's says “Hey, anyone here?” No answer. Now I'm creeped out. I start lookin' around and find LD-44 and LD-39 in the horror section. That's what this was. An absolute horror!
Anakin: Sorry, I got here as quick as I could.
Obi-Wan: LD-26, this is my padawan Anakin Skywalker. Anakin, this is the droid who found them. Thank you, LD-26. We'll contact you if we need to ask any more questions.
LD-26: I hope you find the maniac who did this. No librarian droid is safe until you do.
Anakin: We'll do what we can. [LD-26 exits] Do you know what happened, Master?
Obi-Wan: No, we should see what our contacts in The Works know. It's likely that these droids were destroyed for parts.
Anakin: But why not take the whole droid? Whoever did this left behind some very valuable parts.
Obi-Wan: Do you have a better place to start?
Anakin: … No.
Obi-Wan: Then we go to The Works. At least it's a place to start.
SERV-O-DROID, INC
GRUNGEON BLOCK, THE WORKS, CORUSCANT
Obi-Wan: Can we talk to whoever is in charge here?
Secretary Droid: Who's asking?
Obi-Wan: I'm Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi and this is my padawan Anakin Skywalker. We're investigating an attack on a couple of droids at the library this evening. They were manufactured by your company and we'd like some information about the models.
Secretary Droid: Yeah, hold on. [picks up phone] Darth... I mean Mister Jones, there's a couple of Jedi Knights here to see you... Okay. [to Obi-Wan] You can go right in and see him.
Obi-Wan: Thank you. [He and Anakin enter Darth, I mean Mr. Jones' office] Mr. Jones, I'm-
Anakin: I got this one. We're here investigating a droid attack and the theft of parts from these droids. I'm Jedi Knight-
Obi-Wan: Jedi Apprentice.
Anakin: Whatever. Anakin Skywalker and this is my partner-
Obi-Wan: Master.
Anakin: Whatever. Obi-Wan Kenobi. The point is we're Jedi Knights and we want some anwsers.
Obi-Wan: Anakin, I'll handle this. Would you mind answering some questions?
Mr. Jones: Of course not. Ask anything you'd like. You'll find that we here at Serv-O-Droid have nothing to hide.
Obi-Wan: Have you or anyone on your staff ever stolen parts from droids you have already sold so you could save money and reuse the parts?
Mr. Jones: No.
Anakin: LIAR! He's lying. I can sense it.
Obi-Wan: Anakin! You must control your anger. Anger leads to hate...
Anakin: I know! But he's lying! He's lying liar scum! I bet he sells death sticks to younglings!
Mr. Jones: We run an honest business here.
Anakin: I know you destroyed those droids! Tell the truth before I bust a laser in your punk ass!
Obi-Wan: Anakin, wait outside!
Anakin: You can't tell me what to do!
Obi-Wan: Yes, I can. Now wait outside. [Anakin exits] Mr. Jones, word is going to get out to your other droids about this attack. And maybe someone will start the rumor that it is you who is stealing parts to sell again. There are more of them than there are of you. So tell me what you know.
Mr. Jones: I don't know nothing.
Obi-Wan: Oh, yes you do. We both know that it's you. You're guilty and we will find the evidence eventually. And when we find the evidence, we're going to arrest you. And we're going to find the most inconvenient time to arrest you in public. We'll wait until it's a crowded day at the office or until you receive an award for Businessman of the Year or your daughter's wedding. Something really humiliating. So just confess now.
Mr. Jones: Did the Coruscant Chamber of Commerce tell you that I'm going to be businessman of the Year?
Obi-Wan: No. That was just an example.
Mr. Jones: My daughter is getting married in two weeks... My wife would kill me if I ruined that wedding... I still have nothing to say about those two librarian droids being attacked tonight.
Obi-Wan: I never said they were librarian droids.
Mr. Jones: I must have heard you mention it to my secretary.
Obi-Wan: All I said to her was that the attack occurred at the library.
Mr. Jones: Damn.
JEDI TEMPLE
SENATE DISTRICT, GALACTIC CITY, CORUSCANT
Yoda: Mr. Jones, For Droid Assault and Theft, two years sentenced you are.
Mr. Jones: Wait, I'd like to make a deal. I have information. Information about the Sith.
EXECUTIVE PRODUCER
DICK WOLF
Friday, January 8, 2010
Because My Lists Go to 11: Top 11 Songs from When I Still Listened to the Radio
While discussing songs from the late 1990s and early 2000s the other day, I decided to compile a list of the best songs from that time period which could probably best be described as “when I still listened to the radio” or my preteen years. Now, these are my opinions so you may disagree but this is my list and I am always right.
Let me see if I can remember the last time I listened to the radio when I was not in a car with a broken CD player. I guess that would be 2002. Those late 90s and early 2000s were crazy. Man, I would sit there with a cassette tape and record songs off of the radio so I could listen to them on my Walkman when I walked or rollerbladed to 7-11 to buy War Heads. Remember those times? No? Okay, I'll try to use a modern reference. It was like illegally downloading music to your mp3 player except it took hours and sometimes you recorded parts of the commercials by accident and at least one song would get cut off at the end or when you had to flip the cassette over. Good Times.
Besides the radio and my mixed tapes, this was back in a time when MTV still showed music videos or at least part of music videos. And a time when Carson Daly was slightly more tolerable. Or I was just less critical. Or stupider. Possibly all three. It seems so long ago and yet so recent at the same time.
So here is me looking back at my music choices during my preteen years. Children, back in those days we weren't tweens. We were preteens. I thought it sounded condescending at the time and then someone invented the word “tween.” Anyway, let's get to some pop songs that have stood the test of time. Thanks to YouTube at least.
11. Aaron's Party (Come Get It) (2000) - Aaron Carter
Now I am an extremely narcissistic person. I freely admit that because by telling people that I am narcissistic, I get to talk about myself a little longer. Despite this fact, I do not believe that my first single would actually have my own name in the title. But somehow this was a time period that gave us lots of songs with the pop star or group's name in the title and it was usually one of their first big hits. Maybe this was clever. People will always remember your name because the only song they can remember has your name in it. Also, less people will cover it unless they cover it ironically or their name is Aaron. It just seems a little too narcissistic. I think I would only cover songs that have the singer or group's name in them. Look for my album Hey, Hey, Sarah's Back (All Right) for Sarah's Party Cause There Ain't No Party Like a Sarah Club Party. Also, this song was during that period of time when people used the word “fly” non-ironically to say that things were cool and “honey” to describe girls to which they were not acquainted (see also #4).
I felt the need to have an Aaron Carter song on this list. I know some of you are saying, “But, why not include That's How I Beat Shaq instead of this one?” And you know, I asked myself the same question. I said to myself, “Kyle (I call myself Kyle), why Aaron's Party?” And I came up with some very good reasons. As previously stated, it represents all of the narcissistic songs of this time. Also, I felt the need to include this song because of it's sheer awfulness, because Aaron Carter wears a fur coat and name drops Nike. Also, there's a good lesson in this song. He may be the flyest kid on the block now but he is also grounded. There are consequences, children. So why an Aaron Carter song at all? Because Aaron Carter was the cause of the Lindsay Lohan - Hilary Duff feud. That feud lasted longer than his singing career. I was Team Lindsay but that was before we started designating which side we were on by saying “I'm Team [insert name].” We just said, “I'm on Lindsay's side” or "I hate Hilary Duff." Anyway, here's a little bit of old school for you that goes something like this...
10. Genie in a Bottle – Christina Aguilera
I wasn't really an MTV watcher so I saw most of my music videos on the Disney Channel. This was still when the Disney Channel did not want to be associated with smut (see my previous rant) so they would show censored versions of some music videos. This was one of them. “I'm a genie in a bottle, baby. You've got to treat me the right way.” Um, that messes up the whole metaphor. In fact, it might make it worse. So, you're a genie in the bottle and you ask to be treated the right way. Perhaps the person who finds the bottle, some would say your master, takes into consideration that you want to be treated the right way. However, you never indicate whether they are to treat you the right way or if they are to treat the bottle the right way. Keep in mind they have not met you the genie yet just the genie bottle. Said bottle finder master might just try to protect the bottle from breaking. And there you are stuck in the bottle because you did not ask to be rubbed the right way. From what I hear, 10,000 years in a lamp will give you such a crick in the neck. I understand that there are sexual connotations behind “rub me the right way.” I understand this now. I was unaware of this when I was 11. A recurring theme for most of the songs on this list is that I knew the words but I never really listened to them. I didn't understand what the song was trying to say. All I knew was that I was supposed to like the song.
9. Bootylicious (2001) – Destiny's Child
Baby, can you handle this? I don't think you can handle this. But I'm wrong sometimes* so who really knows. As someone with a large behind, this song did tons for my self confidence. Sure, this song gets super irritating after hearing it once. But, still, I listened to it over and over and danced to it with my friends. I guess this song does have some cultural significance by giving us the word “bootylicious.” Other than that, I got nothing. You know, besides the whole giving me self confidence to accept the fact that having a big butt was okay.
*False. I am always right.
8. I'm a Slave 4 U (2001) – Britney Spears
I know. I was totally going to pick a different Britney song but this one seemed... important. Go ahead. Laugh. Are you done? Good. Let me explain. This song is off of her third album Britney. You may recall that this was when Britney started to get edgier. You know, no more pigtails and school girl uniforms or proper spelling. This was around the same time that Christina, sorry, I mean Xtina released “Dirrty.” Notice the extra “r.” She means business. Spelling is for pussies. Edgy chicks are all about misspelling and replacing words with numbers or a single letter. Back to Brit Brit. At this time, she was not a girl, not yet a woman. To go with her edgier, more mature attitude, Britney chose to wear a thong on top of her jeans in this music video. We should have known that something was wrong then. Britney told us that she was a dancing slave. She won't deny it. She was not trying to hide it. She also danced onstage with a python during the 2001 Video Music Awards. Probably against her will since she's a dancing slave. How could we not see her cry for help through this song? I might be misinterpreting. But what the hell? Who cares?
7. Blue (Da Ba Dee) (1999) - Eiffel 65
I know that there are plenty of songs written now that make little to no sense but what was it about 1999 that made it the year of the completely nonsensical song (see also #4)? Well, it does state that it's a song about a guy who lives in a blue world where everything is blue and then proceeds to list things that are blue in this world which if you recall from earlier in this sentence is everything. Everything is blue. My cousin's husband was convinced that the chorus of this song was “I'm blue. I want to die.” Whatever, it had a good beat and you could dance to it. Or you know, stand awkwardly against the wall during grade school sock hops. Whichever.
6. Ms. Jackson (2001) – OutKast
This one right here goes out to all the baby mamas' mamas. This was another one of those songs that I knew but didn't really listen to the lyrics. That did not stop us from singing it. Really, we didn't sing it so much as walk around school and just sing, “I'm sorry, Ms. Jackson. I am for real” over and over. When it comes down to it, this song is awesome for both apologizing to Ms. Jackson and essentially calling her a hateful bitch. Yeah, I think she will totally accept your trillion apologies and your friendly reminder that her grandchild is a baby and not, like she previously thought, a paycheck.
5. No Scrubs (1999) – TLC
What is a scrub? Scrub: [skruhb] -noun 1. a guy who thinks he's fly, always talking about what he wants and sits on his broke ass. 2. a guy that can get no love from me, hanging out the passenger's side of his best friend's ride trying to holler at me. Synonyms: busta, deadbeat ass.
It's not bad advice. If his life is going nowhere, then don't get with him. How easily some of us have forgotten this lesson. Not me. Other people. Anyway, it needed to be included because I remember walking around as an 11 year old singing this. Also, TLC is important. They did R&B. They did pop. Left Eye rapped. She did not attempt to rap like some people (see #11). She rapped. And they were hugely successful.
4. Summer Girls (1999) – LFO
Apparently LFO released more than two songs. I was unaware. Apparently, their song 6 Seconds was covered by the Jonas Brothers. I am happy to say I have never heard either version of this song but will probably go youtube it right now. It doesn't really matter because Summer Girls is the best LFO song. It really is just a series of true statements with some random crap thrown in there. New Kids on the Block had a bunch of hits. True. Billy Shakespeare wrote a whole bunch of sonnets. True. Macauly Culkin was in Home Alone. True. Michael J. Fox was Alex P. Keaton. True.
The real important information is what the lead singer tells us about himself. He said his name was Rich and Wikipedia tells me that this is true. He likes Kevin Bacon but he hates Footloose. This seems plausible. I mean Footloose is kind of overrated. We also know that Chinese food makes him sick and that he will steal your honey like he stole your bike. I'll just assume those are true since I can not verify them myself. Perhaps you think it is silly that I'm going through all this but you are wrong. This is the exact kind of crap you need to remember forever. You know that someday when the Final Jeopardy category is “90s Nonsensical Pop Songs,” Alex Trebek will ask you “In which song does the singer vow to steal yo honey like he stole yo bike?” And you will be happy that you listened to this song and know the answer. And you will long for that summer, that summer when Summer Girls played on the radio. You'll miss it like the color purple, macaroni and cheese, ruby red slippers and a bunch of trees. Seriously. I can not make this crap up.
What confuses me is exactly what summer is he singing about? Possibly sometime in the 80s after New Edition released Candy Girl in 1983 and after Footloose was released in 1984. It seems most likely that he is referring to the summer of 1989 seeing as how that would have been when NKOTB were really popular and Family Ties would have just gone off the air that May. But Home Alone did not come out until November of 1990. So is he singing about the summer of 1991? Is he singing about a collection of summer's that he now remembers as one summer? Does this song comment on how we look back on happier times but our memories of those times are not accurate? Am I overthinking this?
3. Wannabe (1996) – Spice Girls
First of all, is this song really almost 14 years old? Am I doing this math wrong? Because that seems too long ago. Next question: Am I just getting that old? Second of all, looking up the lyrics now, this song makes some sense. It's totally a product of 90s Girl Power. Or is 90s Girl Power totally a product of this? Either way, I'm totally a product of 90s Girl Power. But my younger self did not analyze the lyrics because it had a nice beat and you could dance to it. Okay. I'll give you that “zig-a-zig-ahh” makes no sense. But let's face it, “you have got to give” is some pretty decent relationship advice. Taking is too easy but that's the way it is. And who has not had a friendship strained because friends don't get along with the significant other? Obviously every relationship should be based on this model.
I can't embed this one so I'll just link.
2. My Heart Will Go On (1997) – Celine Dion
This song won Grammys, a Golden Globe and an Oscar. It was also occasionally played on the radio all the time. As a nine year old, I felt I truly understood this song. I felt Celine's pain as she sang this emotional ballad. But that was mostly because I would pound my chest at the same time as she would. I do not know how she could do that so often. This song defined a generation. I do not know how it defined that generation but it totally did. Admit it you know every word to this song. You might think that you do not but you do. It was ingrained in you twelve years ago and it will always be there. This song can touch us one time and last for a lifetime and never let go 'til we're one. Too much?
1. I Want It That Way (1999) – Backstreet Boys
This song is one of the greatest songs ever. Ever. This could be my bias because I am a huge BSB fan. I follow them on twitter. I went to their concert two summers ago which was amazing especially when everyone was singing I Want It That Way. I was once banished from the lunch table in 6th grade because I had a BSB pen and everyone else were NSYNC fans. Tensions were running high due to the anticipation of No Strings Attached. I refused to stop using my pen and I was banished. It lasted about a week. Maybe it was just a day. I don't remember the details.
While I am a huge BSB fan, this is not my favorite song of theirs. That would be Shape of My Heart. But I Want It That Way was everywhere in 1999. It's probably one of the first songs, if not the first song, you think about when you think of 1990s boy bands which I'm sure you do a lot. For this reason, it is number one on this list.
So, I want it that way and you want it that way but we are two worlds apart so we can't be together, I guess. Has someone made a fan video with this song about the Doctor and Rose? Well, whatever. I love this song and if I had to pick one song to define my preteen years, this would be it.
Final tally of songs on this list that use the word “fly:” 4
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